Sometimes I could just lick type

Prom Night Fist Fight is the digital illustration and typography experimentation playground of Joshua Blankenship.

Bad News

My mom called me this morning while I was stuck in traffic on my way to work. She told me my grandma died.

"I answer the heroic question 'Death, where is thy sting?' with 'It is here in my heart and mind and memories." -- Maya Angelou

for someone who doesn't give a damn...

... I'm pretty happy for them.



And if I had a penis, Prince would have given me a hard on. Fucking amazing.

Jovita and Daniela can't wait to hear from me

So I have decided to look for a roommate, since I have a spare bedroom in my apartment. I put an ad on Craigslist about 3 days ago and I have been getting a lot of responses, especially from Jamaican, Nigerian and British ladies who work in Africa to cure AIDS and are moving to America for 8 months for their paid vacation. One of them even said that the president of Nigeria would be paying half of my rent. This is the one I got today:

"Hello how are you doing?
i want you to know that me and my husband has been,trying your number now,but it has not been going true,all we are saying is that,we want you to give us your contact email address,and also your real name,which they will issue the cheque to you or money order,so as soon as you get the overdraft cheque or money,take it to the bank and deposit it,then you will then deduct the cost of the service and hold -on to the differences i will come for it as soon as i arrive the states,meanwhile i have plans to come in a flight chatered by the film production crew i work for, if that doesnt work out, then i will instruct you to wire the differences through western union money transfer to me or directly to a flight agent service that will be responsible for the issuing of a flight tickets to the states,you will deduct the western union charges from the differnces.

I hope this is clear.cant wait to hear from you
Jovita."

Yes, Jovita, very clear. This is another one from two days ago:

"Hello,
How are u doing? hope fine? if so, glory be to almighty God. I saw your Advert that u have a rom/apt.to be sub-leased online and am interested in renting the room/apt. It suits the type of place i need for my comfort and work. Am a lady of 28 yrs old and a British. I was born and brought up in London. I livedmost of my life traveling arround the world due to the nature of my work, i have been to most continent, Am a medical practisional, a doctor to be precised but presently in new south wales (Autralia) for a program which will be ending soon. i and the rest of my collegues will be coming to U.S.A (United State of America) for another program (HIV/AIDS seminal) which will last for some months or even a year. we'll be there to educate and give the people some medical diagnosis on HIV/AIDS. I will like to lease the room/apt for the period which i will be there for the program cos i prefer staying in an Apt/Room than staying in a hotel, it's more confortable and less expensive, pls response by mailing me and tell me if the room/apt is still available and then get back to me with the deposit amount and a bit about the room description, I cant wait to read from u soon.
Regards,
Daniela."

Beautiful ABCs

This is amazingly beautiful work of Dutch, the daddy of lucky Juniper.








In case you're wondering about some of them, here's the key for Dutch's alphabet:
A - Angel
B - Budah
C - Cowboy
D - Devil
E - Economist
F - Fairy
G - Gnome (clever, huh?)
H - Homeless
I - Icarus
J - Jew
K - Knight (clever 2)
L - Leprecon
M - Mummy
N - Ninja
O - Officer
P - Pirate
Q - Quixote (favorite #2)
R - Robot
S - Snowman
T - Tramp (favorite #1)
U - Ulysses
V - Viking
W - Witch
X - X-ray
Y - Yeti
Z - Zombie


And this is the work of Abba Richman.

things like this make me jealous

The day I find me one of those, I'm settling down. That's a collection of my favorite ones. Now go and check it out.

the amazing life of spiders

i don't need no ipod

by Natalie Dee

i miss them

I was reading my old blog and I came acrross this post. I miss those days:

"a few reasons why i love my job

Brad - Is "Driving." a sentence?
Mandy - No.
Brad - How about "Go."?
Ryan - I don't think so!
Mandy - How about "wake me up before you go go."?

Greg - If you could have a super power, what would it be?
Mandy - I would be able to shoot money out of my hands.
Greg - How about you, Brad?
Brad - I think shooting money out of my hands is pretty sweet. I probably would want that too.
Greg - And you, Ryan?
Ryan - I would want a classic super power. I would want to be able to fly. And be invisible.
Greg - But you can't choose two! You can only have one super power!!
Ryan - Well, then I would fly invisibly.

Greg - Ana, what would your super power be? Besides making out with me, of course.
Adam - Yeah, cause that's more like a super burden!

(Greg whistles while using spit).
Ana - Greg, that's nasty!! Quit playing with your spit!
Ryan - Yeah, Greg! Spit is NOT a toy.
Declan - In Brazil spit is a toy!

(Cindy, from Marketing. The whitest white lady ever.)
Cindy - For shizzle."

no comments

reorganizing

What a terrible blogger I am. I haven't posted a real post in what? Over a week? Well, things have been hectic, and to be quite honest, I just now unpacked my bags that I brought from my almost 1 month long vacation.

I have declared war on clutter inspired by her, and eventhough my apartment is not looking that neat, at least I tried and Goodwill now should have a promising 2007.

Also inspired by my buddy Chris, I am now making my list of resultions for this year. It has been a good January, and if this month is a sample of what 2007 will bring, I'm ok with that. I have big, BIG plans for this year, and if all goes well, big changes are going to happen in my life. I'm definatelly at a crossroads, and hopefully I'll make the right choice and things will work out for me. I can't get into too much now, but soon you'll know. Enough said, here's the list, in no particular order:

1. Save money.
2. Travel A LOT more than last year.
3. Grow professionally, study more and get back to the learning mode I was until May 2006.
4. Relocate.
5. Lose weight. A LOT of weight (believe me, I have a major plan)
6. Design my website/portfolio.
7. Improve my Flash skills and my spanish.
8. Find myself a hobby or join they gym. Both would be just overachieving.
9. Keep my portfolio updated.
10. Take better care of myself. I don't ever want to end a year like I ended 2006. That was painful and dumb.

So there it is. It's a lot to do, but with a sane mind, I know I can do anything I put my heart into it. I've done it before, and 6 years later, this is a whole new me.

Pshyeah! I Like Your Hair

oh my god!

it's pretty amazing

recurring nightmares & a letter from my sister

I've heard it is a cliche nightmare that one where you're all of a sudden naked in public, usually at school. But me, I sort of have a series of recurring nightmares that I have every once in a while ever since I can remember. Here's a list of them:
1. My mom moves to an apartment on her own, and she refuses to talk to her kids.
2. My sister is a whore.
3. I've murdered someone a long time ago and after a long time they find out and I go to prison.
4. I find out I still have 2 classes to take before graduating from college.
5. My sister doesn't like me and will not address me in any kind of way.

This last one is definitely one of nightmares I have more often. The most often and terrifying is the prison one, and I actually just had one of those last night. But almost equally as terrifying is the one that my sister doesn't like me, because it's one of those things that it's just impossible to think could become reality. Not because I'm lovely, but because I have given this girl so many chances in my life to just give up on liking me and she never took it. I have been rude, careless, I have ignored so many obvious attempts of affection, that if I were her, I would be like 'whatever to you, then!'. But she never did.

So the idea of me going to prison seems more possible than my sister not liking me or talking to me, thus the horrifying nature of nightmares number 5. I have, however, felt neglected by my sister and have many times seen her choose to spend her time with her girlfriends and boyfriend rather than with me. We've never been "girlfriends", we've never been the kind that would go out to the mall together, or go out to lunch together. That's just not what we do. I even told my therapist about it this last time I went to Brazil, that I couldn't communicate with my sister on a "friend" level, and that maybe I'm very much to blame, because I have screwed up so many of her attempts before that now she doesn't even try anymore. I told her I think that one day, maybe when we're older, we'll get to that stage, but for now that's how we are, and I understand.

So I checked my email a few minutes ago and there it is, an email from my sister, with a Word document attached. The email said: "Ana, I found this little letter here that I gave you when you moved away. Because that's still how it is, and how it will always be, I'm sending it again just to remind you, ok?"

The letter made me cry a lot, and for many, many reasons. She gave this to me in July, 2001, almost 6 years ago. So I decided to translate it so everyone can see how lucky I am to have a sister who can predict the future, who was patient with me and most of all, who can see right through me.

**************

"I don't know how to say goodbye to you, I don't even know why I'm writing. But I didn't want you to leave without me telling you some things. Actually, what I really wanted was to tell you it all, but I don't think this is a good time. Not because you're leaving, but because I think that even to hear "I love you" we have to be prepared. So strong those words, and we use it so casually, right? "I love you" became synonym to "you're nice". When really they should charge people if they said those words feeling less than... what I feel for you, for example. I love you, and I'm sure of it. Maybe the fact that we were born sisters gave this feeling a little push. Because really, we are so very different... do you think we would ever be close if life hadn't put us in the same family? I don't think so, but that doesn't mean I think I love you just because we're sisters. Actually, I think it's exactly the fact that you're so different from me that makes me love you so much. You know, sometimes it's hard to be me. To be so weak, scared, afraid. How I wish I was brave, strong, decisive... how I wish I was you sometimes. I look at you and I see the things I have struggled to become. But don't be fooled: I also look at you and I can see very clearly what I should not do. Because you are not only brave, strong and decisive. You are also quite immature and dumb. Most of all, you lack the courage to do what really is very hard, even harder than going to live by yourself in the United States: you lack the courage to be loved.

You know, I really believe that certain things happen in our lives at the wrong times, when we're not ready to deal with them, and those things stay inside of us until we have the courage to dig them out. And I'm sure that the love I feel for you will stay there inside of you, for as long as it needs to, until you're able to really accept it as your own. What you cannot do is not want it, because it's yours, and love can't be transferred.

It's amazing how a wall like the one that exists between our bedrooms can separate so much more than two rooms. It can separate two lives that could be so much better if they were closer to each other. That's why I hope that the distance of miles and miles can have the opposite effect: to bring two people together that have been wasting millions of chances to be close.

As I've said, I don't know how to say goodbye. So maybe I can use this letter to introduce myself to you: do you want to be my friend?

You are the sister I would choose if I could have chosen. Take care of yourself the way I would like to take care of you if I could be by your side during this time you'll be growing up far from me."

****************

I love her more than words can say and she's always been a role model to me. I have wasted a lot of chances to accept the love she had for me, but I think I'm ready now. Yes, I do want to be your friend.

Dri, voce ainda quer ser minha amiga?

follow the yellow trifling ebonics road

3 funny Google searches that led people to Legally Normal:
I. crime de jour
II. trifling ebonics
III. all of my action figures are cherry

graffiti poetry

There's more where that came from.

Back to business as usual

So here's a few reasons I haven't posted anything for the past week or so:

1. I was at Key West too busy getting tanned, throwing up on a boat trip, eat crab cakes, and wearing summer clothes.
2. I'm back at work after almost a month, and I'm trying to catch up and relearning the great craft of design.
3. I had too much laundry to do.
4. I've been at a friend's house who has cable TV, and it's not like I'm going to be blogging when "How do I look" and "I love New York" is on. Please!

But new photos have been uploaded to flickr. So go and check it out.

Crazy PDA

Ok, so there's this asian couple next to me at this bar/cafe/restaurant at the airport that is just going at it. Their faces have been attached together for the past 10 minutes or so and I'm am this close to grabbing my camera and recording this totally weird moment for you. I have actually just made sure the flash is off so I can make this very odd public display of affection available to you all over there on the internet. I have looked at them at they don't really move their faces. It's like they are just there, glued together, with each other's tongue in each other's mouth, just waiting until it's their time to board.

Oh, damn... they just stopped. Sorry, internets. You'll have to find your own freaky asians.

New Year's Resolution

In the year 2007 I resolve to: Stop working my street corner. Now go get your own

Goodbye Brazil, hello Key West!

Right now I'm in Sao Paulo at the airport, and I still have about 5 hours ahead of me before boarding time. I have actually been here at the airport for about an hour, so I have just paid $11 of wifi access just so my time here won't seem like eternity.

It's always hard leaving, but hey - be proud of me - I didn't even cry! My mom did, but I guess if she hadn't I would be somewhat disappointed. It's a mom's job to cry whenever their kid is leaving. At least a good mom, and my is beyond awesome.

So I'll be arriving in Indianapolis tomorrow afternoon, and next day at 7:30am I am leaving to Key West for 5 glorious days at the beach. A company retreat, all expenses paid. Please don't die of jealousy, good thing evetually happen to good people and your time will also surely come.

Ok, I guess I'll do some more people watching, some youtube searching and other great little things to kill time.

Bye Brazil, it's nice seeing you!

good times. bad camera

5 Reasons Why Enthusiasm is Better than Confidence

"...Of course we want to perform at our best in these situations, but I think the word ‘confidence’ creates more problems than it solves. I usually advise clients to change the word to ‘enthusiasm’. Here’s why:

1. Confidence is about you - enthusiasm is about your subject
2. Confidence is about you (again) - enthusiasm is about others
3. Confidence is impressive - enthusiasm is infectious
4. Confidence is certain - enthusiasm is creative
5. Confidence is serious - enthusiasm is fun"

via Wishful Thinking

a very light christmas

The past few years my Christmas have been very nice, relaxing and predictable ones. And that's a good thing. Just us 5 with aggregated boyfriends and girlfriends, good food, my brother usually buys us all books, and we start reading and talking about them the next day. Tonight I watched "Love Actually" and this is my favorite scene. It never fails to make me a believer.



Tomorrow I have my 4th therapy session in two weeks. On the last one we talked about relationships and how much they consume the hell out of me, and how I can't manage to be in one and survive as a normal adult in society at the same time. That's why I don't have any more of those, at least for now. We have also been talking about the possibility of me moving back to Brazil. This is still in the works, so look out for updates.

Now big ups to the birth of baby Jesus, and shout outs to the creators of Lexapro.

when santa doesn't come

"I asked you what you want for Christmas. I secretly preayed your answer would be:'you'. It wasn't... You want a scarf."

via Postsecret

Merry Christmas!

Beautiful and heartbreaking

via Debbie Millman

From Brazil

Hello gentle readers,

I come to you from good ol' Brazil! I got here yesterday and so much already has happened, I'm really happy to be home! I landed in Rio yesterday at around 11, where my parents picked me up. From there, we drove for about a hour or so to my hometown where most of my family live. My grandma is in the hospital and she has been extremely fragile lately, and I almost thought I wasn't going to get the chance to see her again. But gladly I did, and I was with her this morning for a few hours. It was VERY hard seeing her there, she's an brave lady but sometimes it feels like it's just not fair to keep her here. I hope for the best FOR HER, and I just hope whatever the outcome is she can be comfortable and in peace. I think she really thought she wasn't going to see me again, and it was completely overwhelming to look at her face when she saw me walking in that door. My mom said she hasn't seen her crack a smile like that in a long, long time and I'm glad I could bring her that.

Another thing that has been pretty major is that I have already seen my old doctor from here, so I can start the treatment for my panic disorder/depression again. I don't know if I had mentioned here before, but the past month or so has been really trying, and I have lost count of how many times I cried for hours in a row for no apparent reason at all. Just cried my eyes out, and felt completely hopeless and unmotivated to brush my hair in the morning. My days are usually ok, but my nights are pretty awful and it has taken me a lot of self-control and panic management to keep it together. So my family came to my rescue again, and I have just started taking my meds, and for the first time in what it seems to be a really long time, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I SO believe in the power of medicine and in what those magic little pills can do for this brain of mine. I'm committed to just giving in control and letting them take over and balance all my crazy, out-of-wack chemicals. Dear pills, please cure me and I promise I'll be nice.

Anyway, I must be a little high right now because I just took my very first dose of Lexapro with some other medication that's supposed to turn shut off my superhyperactive thoughts and let my mind rest for a bit. I can't wait to feel normal again - if there's in fact a normal state for me.

My two best friends in the world just left about an hour ago, I hadn't seen them in over 2 years. It was really nice to see them again and just feel like that good feeling of home you only get around people who really, truly know you inside and out.

Ok, so now I'm surrendering to the meds and going to sleep. Hopefully tomorrow will be the first day of a very good stay.

Here's to Brazil and to chemical balance! Cheers.

Culture Clash - Craigslist Meets the Capitalists

NY TIMES - December 8, 2006, 12:51 pm

Jim Buckmaster, the chief executive of Craigslist, caused lots of head-scratching Thursday as he tried to explain to a bunch of Wall Street types why his company is not interested in “monetizing” his ridiculously popular Web operation. Appearing at the UBS global media conference in New York, Mr. Buckmaster took questions from the bemused audience, which apparently could not get its collective mind around the notion that Craigslist exists to help Web users find jobs, cars, apartments and dates — and not so much to make money.

Wendy Davis of MediaPost describes the presentation as a “a culture clash of near-epic proportions.” She recounts how UBS analyst Ben Schachter wanted to know how Craigslist plans to maximize revenue. It doesn’t, Mr. Buckmaster replied (perhaps wondering how Mr. Schachter could possibly not already know this). “That definitely is not part of the equation,” he said, according to MediaPost. “It’s not part of the goal.”

“I think a lot of people are catching their breath right now,” Mr. Schachter said in response.

The Tech Trader Daily blog ponders this question: “If YouTube was worth $1.65 billion, who knows what Craigslist would be worth if Jim and [site founder] Craig Newmark ever considred becoming — what’s the word? — capitalists.”

Craigslist charges money for job listings, but only in seven of the cities it serves ($75 in San Francisco; $35 in the others). And it charges for apartment listings in New York ($10 a pop). But that is just to pay expenses.

Mr. Schachter still did not seem to understand. How about running AdSense ads from Google? Craigslist has considered that, Mr. Buckmaster said. They even crunched the numbers, which were “quite staggering.” But users haven’t expressed an interest in seeing ads, so it is not going to happen.

Following the meeting, Mr. Schachter wrote a research note, flagged by Tech Trader Daily, which suggests that he still doesn’t quite get the concept of serving customers first, and worrying about revenues later, if at all (and nevermind profits). Craigslist, the analyst wrote, “does not fully monetize its traffic or services.”

Mr. Buckmaster said the company is doubling in size every year, as measured by page views and listings.

Larry Dignan, writing on Between the Lines blog at ZDNet, called Mr. Buckmaster “delightfully communist,” and described the audience as “confused capitalists wondering how a company can exist without the urge to maximize profits.”

sick as a dog and nearly handicapped

So the past few days have been filled with stuff I really don't have time to deal with right now. I have a cold that is just screwing up my humor and I also almost chopped the top of my left thumb off on Friday while using an xacto knife at work. It was nasty, they had to take me to an Immediate Care place to see if I needed stitches but they end up putting all these tiny adhesives on my finger and sprayed stuff on the cut so that the skin will heal itself. Click on the photos so you can enjoy the details. It's worse than it looks.



I'm leaving to Brazil on Tuesday, and I'll be there until the 25th. Packing sucks and the week before leaving is a bitch, but once I get there is great. This vacation is long overdue and very, very much needed. As much as I enjoy routine, I've been getting pretty sick and tired of the whole home - work, work - home thing. Weekends have been crap too. So I need to get the hell out for a minute and gain perspective so I can start enjoying the good side of sameness again.

I can't think of anything else too exciting to post, so I guess that's it. I need to go spend time with my dog cause I'm leaving him for almost two weeks, and that always breaks my heart. I'm going to drive myself crazy when I have kids.

This should make you cry

My life; an open book

Today for some reason I happened to visit my old blog which was no longer live, and I found my MoTime inbox full of messages of old faithful readers that wanted to know what happened to me and my blog. I felt bad, and I tried to reply to all of them and guide them here, so any of you got my message, welcome! I am flattered to know that eventhough I don't get too many comments, people are reading this stuff I write.

I guess that's one of the reasons why I keep writing. Not that I write for other people (I feel like I would blog even if I was the only person reading this stuff), but everytime I check my StatCounter I'm surprised to see all the visitors I get, from all over the world. Some are here daily, several times a day, and the majority stays here for at least 20 minutes, which means they came and stayed. I have no idea why, but they do.

So thanks whoever you are and I hope I don't bore you to death.

Video Game Live

A few months ago I went to this show here in Indianapolis called Video Game Live. I actually blogged about it here, and today while browsing on Youtube I found this cool little video about it:

Debbie Downer

i can't get used to this

The past 4 days got me used to not working. I left the office today totally mentally drained, already dreading the painful minute when my alarm will go off tomorrow morning. Where's the rich old man I'm supposed to marry? Please sir, email if you're reading this.

BTW, new photos have been uploaded to Flickr. Massive Change was amazing. I was like a kid in a candy store. Ya'll should go.

I could get used to this

Here are some things I have done so far this Thanksgiving holiday:
- came to Chicago and am staying at my friend's lovely aunt's house, who is adorable and funny.
- ate too much good food
- walked around Michigan Ave = too.much.people.too.little.space.
- went to see Opra's Harpo Studios
- went to see Bruce Mau's "Massive Change" exhibit at the Museum of Contemporary Arts. Amazing. Photos to come.
- attended a church choir rehearsal

I'm leaving tomorrow, but not before going to my favorite Brazilian restaurant. I'll have pictures up once I recover from all the non-work I'm doing. Laters!

Creative Clients

Creative Clients
Originally uploaded by debbie millman.

The story of my life. Via Debbie Millman.

The story of the day when a mansion almost swalled me

Last Friday my boss sent me an email asking me how would I feel about making a presentation to about 20-30 people during one of our client's conferences, in behalf of the firm. They needed someone to talk about publication design to a group of editors, writers, PR professionals, that were here in Indianapolis for their annual conference. Of course I said yes, as those of you who've met me know that I'm the queen of stepping-up and proving that I can raise to occasions.

I had less then a week to prepare for the event from the time I got the email, but working at least 9 hour days, that means I really had a few hours to put together some material and show up there with some balls to talk to a group of professionals with years of experience ahead of me.

I wasn't too nervous until I got there. The place itself was overwhelming - a beautiful, huge mansion built in 1916 that sits on top of a hill, as you can see here. Absolutely grand. I went throug the big wood doors towards a room where long tables and chairs where arranged facing a wall size projection screen. I plugged in my laptop, got settled and waited. Then people kept coming in, and they would take their seats and get organized, as if they were there to experience an hour of abslute enlightment. And in the end of the room there was poor little me and my little 14-inch mac plugged into the wall so that our fagile, piece-of-shit battery would last us for the whole hour.

The first two minutes went smoothly, I was focused and well rehearsed. But then I started loosing track of the content, and I next thing I knew, I felt as if I had never seen that stuff before. "Typeface? What is a typeface?" It was all a big blurr. At one point, I wanted to say "You know what? I really don't know what the hell I'm talking about here, and really this is not that important, so why don't we just go home and start our weekends earlier, huh? What do ya'll say?".

I had to swallow my nerves and power through the remaining 50 minutes, taking questions, mediating the session, and getting through the content. And I did, without throwing up, not even once. I even cracked a few jokes to showcase my charming personality with a few nervous laughs. Everything went ok.

So sweet friends, here is to my major balls and amazing freak-out control! Cheers!

Read Minus Five

Minus Five turns one today!

That has got to be one of my favorite blogs. If not the favorite. Minus is the funniest, most honest and out-of-the ordinary people I have ever heard of. She's a designer/artist living in Brooklyn. Not only her blog is awesome, but she spreads her genius all over other people's pages through her comments. Here's a recent example of why if she said "jump", I would:

(Post from Mary Pages blog):

"In the spirit of Tania's "neighborhood appreciation" blog, I thought I'd share with my kind readers what was going on in my neighborhood this weekend. It was BET's annual HIP HOP awards...and there was definitely some good people watching. Fortunately for me, I live on a street that is very popular for cruising, picking up transsexual hookers and purchasing illegal drugs on any random day of the week so one can imagine how things picked up with the weekend festivities. I was talking to a friend of mine and was thinking that, perhaps, I was being prejudiced by feeling uncomfortable with all of the random people walking around...many of them looking rather thuggish. He reminded me that these were not the Colin Powell awards nor was Oprah Winfrey's studio audience in town...it was the HIP HOP awards...these are people who rap about shooting people, banging "bitches," doing drugs and many other *not so on the up and up* activities. I know my feelings about this may be a disappointment to some of my readers, but I stand by what I say. I do not think that the HIP HOP community is propelling society (african american and otherwise) into a higher level of consciousness. I understand that the lyrics reflect that lifestyle and trials and tribulations of *the street* and I also think that, perhaps, degrading women and endorsing a life of crime and irresponsibility is not the way to inspire people to live better. I strongly believe that the things that we think, say, and feel create the environment in which we exist...at our essence we are all energy...just energy...molecules, really...so it is up to us to create the world in which we wish to live through our thoughts and actions."

Comment from Minus:

Crime De Jour

Watched "Dancing with the Stars" final and was secretly happy when Emmit won, eventhough Mario kicked ass all season long. Oh, I so wish I could dance!

What would we be without it now

1:33am

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brazilbound

So I just purchased my ticket to go to Brazil next month. I'll be there for almost 2 weeks, and I'm coming back on Dec 25th, which is kinda of a weird date to leave but coming back anytime after that would cost me at least $400 more.

I absolutely hate the actual 'flying' home. Those almost 24 hours in between airports is totally a pain in my ass, but I can't wait to go home and see my family, my old friends, the house, the dog, and everything I miss. So I decided to make a list of random things I'm anxious to enjoy as soon as I get there:

1. Having 5 o'clock cofee breaks with my mom. Fresh coffee, french bread right out of the oven, with butter. One of my favorite things to do in the world.

2. Hot, hot, sticky weather.

3. Afternoons watching good cable TV and old soap operas.

4. Eating decent food on a regular basis. Hopefully losing a few pounds.

5. Washing my hair with non-clorine-white-stuffy-water. One of the things I absolutely cannot get used to here is the fact that the water is so heavy and gross, consequently making my hair heavy and gross as well. I have no bad-hair days in Brazil. It's like washing your hair with spring water.

6. Seeing my grandmas! and my godson, and the rest of my family.

7. Driving good cars. (I usually leave a few tickets behind for my family, but I promise I won't do it this time. I don't do it on purpose.)

8. Buying cute shoes and big earrings.

9. Not stressing, not working and not paying for anything for 2 whole weeks!

10. Getting my hair and nails done. Believe me, it's different there.

I'm counting down the days now. 27 to go.

Baby wanted 12 lemons

Hello again, people who read this blog! I apologize for my brief absence in the past few weeks. Life is busy, panic attacks are back and in between work, searching for a new car, and losing wireless signal at home, I haven't been able to be here as much as I should. Bad, bad blogger. Anyway, I'm here and all is well.

Last night I decided to stay at home with a bottle of wine and the TV, despite of a couple of phone call from friends inviting me out for a drink. I just didn't feel like doing much, so I went to Blockbuster and got me what I thought it would one of those harmless romantic comedies that if anything, would put me to sleep.

I got "The Breakup", THE movie that started it all between Jenn and Vince last year. And all I have to say is that I completely impressed and touched from beginning to end. What I really loved about it is that it's totally not one of those happily ever after stories wrapped with a bowl that makes you roll your eyes at the end of the movie. The characters are layered and imperfect, and things don't go like you wish they would, and they can't communicate to save their lives. She is always beating around the bush, while he is too straight-forward and literal. She wants him to want to work on their relationship, but he is too uncomplicated to even get what that means. They are illogical, but they love each other, have great intimacy, and rituals, habits and many happy moments together. Still, they breakup, and as much as you hope for a happy ending, it just doesn't happen. They manage to screw it up all on their own, no help needed.

Isn't that how it really goes?

The movie was filmed in Chicago, and that happens to be a place that holds so many memories to me. My ex, with whom I spend the last 2 years with, lived there, and as I was watching the movie I kept thinking of all the weekends I would drive up there to spend time with him and we would go to all those places that to this day I haven't managed to go back to because it's just too much there. The walks by the lake, the boat rides, the blues clubs, the downtown restaurants, the stores on Michigan Ave, the ball park, the summer festivals. And all those nights I spent in that city with the person I thought would be me with for as far as I could see. Those streets where I wandered for hours by myself after our crazy arguments. We were both too clumsy, too dumb and proud to apologize or talk things through.

That screen was speaking directly to me.

I have this tendency of being overtly dramatic when it comes to ex-boyfriends (specially this last one and our bitter breakup). I keep wondering what I could have done different, "why did it happened like that, what a waste of my time!". Watching that movie last night was really good for me. It's about people who come to your life for a certain period of time but they don't come to stay. And that doesn't mean you shouldn't give them your best, that you shouldn't jump in head first, that you shouldn't hold on to those memories as much as you can. You love them, you build stories together, things go wrong and you see your castles fall. Then you learn to love better, and build stronger castles that will more than likely fall again, and you keep moving on until you have a long list of places that are hard to revisit because all you can think of was how happy you once were there. How much you wish you could put that feeling in a bottle and take it with you wherever you go.

Then one day you bump into that person that at one point meant the world to you, and now he's almost a stranger, and it just so happens that the person you were back then is also long gone.

It might sound sad, but seriously, isn't that a nicer perspective?

It's easier to deal with things that way.

You love, you live it as hard as you can, and you move on.


And it's not the end.

breakthrough

Today I did something I should have done a long time ago, and I already can tell the difference for the better. My sister came through for me. Again. Thank you.

gotta love it

"First in my class there at MIT
Got skills, I'm a champion at D&D
MC Escher, that's my favorite MC
Keep your 40, I'll just have an Earl Grey tea
My rims never spin - to the contrary
You'll find that they're quite stationary
All of my action figures are cherry
Stephen Hawking's in my library"

lyrics here

one of the best compliments ever

My best friend and I have a somewhat turbulent relationship. We are two very different characters, complete opposites: I'm this white-looking brazilian girl who loves to take random pictures and post them on her flickr and write on her blog and loves typefaces and museums and poetry and design and things of that nature. She's this girl from Gary, Indiana who hates to be defined as the girl from Gary, Indiana and who has this holistic approach to life and loves motivational things and self-help books and has healthy eating habits and loves to go out to clubs every weekend and is funny and adventurous and free-spirited. Somehow we compliment each other really well, and with her I've learned to love Family Guy, I've learned to take care of my skin and wash off my make up before going to bed, I have learned I can be too judgmental and I should make an attempt to be open minded about people who are not just like me. On the other hand, I try to be the best friend I can be, and I listen to her telling me how wild her weekend was, and how all those extremely odd things happened to her in the same day, and I try to tell her some things I have learned the hard way hoping that I'll save her some energy and heartache, because I hate to see her not knowing what to do.

That's how we've been for the past 5 and a half years. We were on non-speaking terms for a few months about 2 years ago, and more often than not we'll argue for hours on the phone about things we both know we'll never agree on and for the sake of our friendship we'll just agree to disagree on those things forever. Or until my stubborn ass learns how to bend and admit I might be wrong.

My point is, she's definitely someone who's had great impact in my life, and I wish I knew how to show her my appreciation as often as she shows me (well, that applies to several people in my life, but that's a whole different story). Yesterday we somehow got to talking about how you get to a point in your life where you're mature enough to realize that you're are indeed a product of your upbringing and that the values your parents taught you live within you whether you like it or not. I told her how I often find myself in situations where I'm lost thinking "what would my father do?", so that maybe I can find within myself the answers that he would give me.

And she said to me "Well, you're like that to me. Every time I need to make an important decision, or when I'm overwhelmed, or when I'm about to lose my temper, or be unreasonable, I have to stop and think: 'ok, what would she do?' ".

world's shortest fairytale

via Mary Pages

"Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl "Will you marry me?" The girl said, "NO!"... and, the girl lived happily ever! And afterwards, she went shopping, dancing, took cruises, drank martinis, always had a clean house, never had to cook, had sex when and with whomever she pleased... did whatever the heck she wanted, never argued, didn't get fat, traveled at will, had many friends, both men and women, didn't save money and, had all the hot water to herself. Further, she went to the theatre, never had to watch football, never wore absurd lacy lingerie that crept up her butt, possessed good self esteem, never cried or swore and, felt and looked fabulous in sweat pants."

- the end

Between a rock and a hard place

[from the NYTimes]

"RIO DE JANEIRO, Monday, Oct. 2 — Brazil’s embattled president, Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva, finished first in the presidential vote held here Sunday, but fell just short of the majority he needed to avoid a runoff on Oct. 29.

With more than 99.2 percent of the ballots tabulated early Monday, Mr. da Silva, his momentum checked by a last-minute corruption and ethics scandal, had 48.65 percent of the vote. (...)

Campaigning on a platform of social justice and clean government, Mr. da Silva and his leftist Workers’ Party won a landslide victory in a runoff four years ago this month. But his administration has been marked by one scandal after another, ranging from multimillion dollar schemes to buy the support of members of congress to rigging contracts for the purchase of blood products.

Nevertheless, Mr. da Silva had seemed assured of coasting to a first round re-election victory until the eruption of the so-called Dossiergate scandal two weeks ago. That was when Workers’ Party operatives were caught trying to pay $792,000 in cash for information they apparently thought would incriminate Mr. Alckmin’s party in a scandal at the Health Ministry involving kickbacks on the purchase of ambulances."

It's a shame that every election people find themselves voting for the candidate that is the least corrupt, the one who who has robbed them the least throughout the years. Watching people be ignorant is a painful thing.

i opened pandora's box

I hate those weekends when I don't have anything planned to do because I always end up doing things that I shouldn't, like baking fat desserts, spending unnecessary money, going out with people I really don't care for just so I won't be at home (a lot of my friends I like hanging out with often work on weekends, so you get the picture.)

Since I had done option #3 about a month ago and it turned out to be a nightmare because the person I did not care for decided to spend the night at my apartment and stalked me for the rest of the week, I decided I would rather do something different, or even stay home. And that leads me to tonight and the big mess I have just made.

I introduce you to Pandora's Box --


This box contains everything that can possibly remind me of my last long term relationship. Cards, letters, photos, documents, chewed straws, and other small things of great impact. I packaged the box sometime in March, right after ending the relationship that lasted, on and off, 2 years and some months. I put everhting in there, sealed with lots of tape, and hid it somewhere out of my sight. My ex's name was Shawn - I mean, he's stillis Shawn somewhere I don't know where - and for a minute he was all I could see, or I think of. He was it for me and I was done looking, I was done dating. I was just satisfied, like that feeling you get after eating a nice, hearty, homemade meal. I was fulfilled, I had the guy of my dreams and there was not much more I could ask for. I had someone who knew me inside and out, someone who could look at me and knew what I had in mind, without having to say a word. I knew him just as much, but he was always giving me something new to work with, it was never boring, it was never the same. He never took me for granted, and I loved that, that I felt appreciated. He was one of those who would write you cards and letters, and call you early in the morning to tell you he loved you (he lived almost 3 hours away from me), and even when we couldn't be together I had no worries, because he would give me the kind of self-assurance, that feeling that even though he couldn't be here that weekend, there was nowhere else he would rather be.

But it was also one of those rollercoaster relationships, full of huge ups and downs. When it was good it was great, but when it was bad... oh, man, it was horrible. We put each other through hell and back, we drove each other insane and I personally played every type of game I knew of. At one point I felt so confident in what he felt for me that I would push him as far as I could to see how far he would go without breaking up with me. I took him for granted, I though I had him for life. But, of course, I didn't.

He started reacting to my dumb attemps to test him more and more, and more and more I would try to win him back. I would beg to reconsider, then he would beg me to forgive whatever stupid stuff he had done, and it was like that a hundred times, until it was over. The last I heard from him was sometime in March, when we were technically back together and had decided to work things out. Then I found out about another girl who had always tried to be with him, even when we were together. I started hearing a lot about her, I found out there was more to it, and couldn't get over it.

But back to Pandora's Box: I opened it tonight for the first time since the break up.


I re-read the cards and letters, I looked at the pictures, and now I am nothing short of a BIG MESS. I can't get over him. I just can't. I haven't really dated anyone ever since him, I can't make myself like anybody I meet, I just can't do it. It's like a fucking curse, and I'm sick of it.

Right after the split, I decided I wasn't going to call him ever again, but I had a lot to say, so I wrote him a letter that was never sent. I poured my heart out, wrote everything that I knew would hurt him the most, and I knew I would have to make myself hate him before I could move on, so I did. I hated him with passion for about 3 months. I couldn't stand the thought of him. But the more I get over the hatred, the more I find myself missing that man. And that brings me to tonight.

I really don't like blogging about that but this is stopping me from calling him, so oh well. He might not even have the same number, who knows. I know he moved, and he might even be with the girl who I found out about. She knows about me, and the last time I talked to him, I could hear her on the background and he told me he loved me in front of her. He was as sweet as can be, treated me like his girlfirend and said what he had to say to me in front on her, and that was the last time we talked. It ended like that, the weirdest thing.

When we met, I found him broken, after a really bad relationship with someone who had sucked the life out of him. He was cynical, he had been there, done that. But me, I was as fresh and untainted as could be. I stood up for him when he needed me to, I supported him through everything, even when his family wouldn't do it. I couldn't understand how someone could be so jaded, and he later changed a lot for me. One of the things I found in the box was the copy of a card I gave him when we first met, and were barely dating. I told him that he's too skeptical, that I would never want to make the list of people who disappointed him. I wanted so bad to convince him that not everybody was out there to hurt him, that it was ok to have faith in a new person. I didn't want to be blamed for all those horrible girlfriends he had before me.

It's sad to realize that THAT is me post-Shawn. I'm cynical, boderline bitter, and it's going to take a lot to break me. I have been bent and cracked in every way someone can possibly be. I have fallen off a few horses and ran into a few walls, so I have shut down that part of my life and replaced with an obsession for work and perfection. I have lost my "dating skills" and it bores me to tears to think that I will eventually have to get back to that world again to fall from new horses, and run into new walls.

Today I had lunch with my girlfriend E. Her guyfriend called her, and when she mentioned she was with me, he insinuated something, like he wanted to go out with me or some sort of guy thing.
E - talking to him: Yes, she's the brazilian girl... (hey, he's asking about you!)
Me, focused on my stake: So?
E:What do I say?
Me:I don't date anymore.
E: Oh.Sorry, she doesn't date anymore.

Link of the day

Enjoy and thank me later.


There's more where they came from. (Click on the images to read the small type).

Living on the edge

Today was nothing short of SCARY. Here's how the story started: yesterday I ended up leaving the office at around 8:30pm, only to go home with a bunch of printouts and a couple of boards to finish a presentation at home. I was up for a while mounting everything because our account execs had to be at a meeting early this morning with a potential new client. I finished pretty much everything before I left. I had the on-screen presentation saved to our server at work, I had the leave-behinds ready to go, but the boards were with me. I was supposed to get there this morning at 8 so I could talk to the account managers who were going to present the project. But then... I WOKE UP AT 8:40! I was almost 1 hour late already, plus a 20-minute drive, I had fucked up BIG TIME. I HAD THE BOARDS! We hadn't even gone through the presentation, and the meeting was the clients headquarters at 10!



I called the office and told them I would be there in 10 minutes. I put on the same jeans I wore the day before, because they were still thrown all over the floor. I brushed my teeth, didn't even brush my hair, and rushed out of the door with the boards. I couldn't even take my dog outside (of course the poor thing peed in the living room by the time I got home at the end of the day). I FLEW down the freeway and ended up arriving at work at 9:07, don't ask me how. I was so embarrassed and I could not believe myself. I could have completely ruined a new deal for the company single-handedly! Just because I ignored a freaking alarm! My second month at work and a major fuck up. The good thing is, most people at the office usually arrive at 9, and I actually got there with the 2 other designers. The fact that I have been putting in a lot of extra hours also helped. I had worked on Sunday and met a big deadline on Monday. I also had stayed really late the night before, so that made things not look as bad as they really were.

End of the story, the meeting went really well and they complimented me on my work, and we even went out to lunch. I suggested Side Street Deli, which they had never been to, and they LOVED IT! Luck was on my side - the food was great, there were 2 guys playing the guitar and the saxophone, very sultry and charming. They now think I have good taste.

I was one of the last ones to leave tonight, and before I walked out of the door, one of my bosses yelled "Have a night. Oh... AND GET SOME SLEEP!".

nuts

So yesterday my friend April from out of town was here for a quick visit. She had a wedding to go to, and asked me to babysit her 2 boys - a 3 month old and a 3 year old. I'm thinking "ok, piece of cake. I can handle two kids for a few hours". Well, let's just say that I have a newfound respect for mothers, specially single mothers like my friend April.

I'm exhausted. The baby cried pretty much the whole time, for no reason at all whatsoever. That's what he does, he cries. I fed him, changed his diaper, took of him clothes thinking that maybe we was hot, and nothing. He just cried, then screamed, then cried a little more. In the meantime, the 3 year old, Isaac is spilling all types of liquids and icecreams all over the apartment, hitting his head on every possible sharp corner, getting his finger stuck on every door crack he can find, pulling the dogs ears and tails (oh, did I mention I was also dogsitting a huge Chow for a friend of mine? Yeah). Now picture me with a crying baby drooling on my shoulder, a bleeding 3 year old running around, chasing a 50 pound scared dog around the apartment, and my dog peeing on the carpet right in front of me because I completely forgot to take him outside. That pretty much sums up my night.

Isaac resisted as much as he could and refused to go to sleep, so I told him we were going to lay down in the living room to watch cartoons. We watched the first season of the Boondocks.



And just so you won't think that I'm a dreadful babysitter, April got home around midnight and found both kids in bed, and me passed out on the couch.

Believe it or not, overall, we had fun yesterday. We ate really good japanese food, went shopping for a little while and I got to drive her brand new SUV. They left early this morning, and I just woke up to say goodbye. Then I passed out again, and and woke up at 1pm. I'm still recovering.

Now I'm getting ready to take a shower so I can go to the office for a few hours to get a presentation done for tomorrow. It's kind of cloudy outside and the day is perfect to stay in all day, but I really have to go.

Tomorrow I'm going to see Rick Valicenti's lecture at Herron. He is in town for 25 above water. Check it out if you can.

3 WORDS: I NEED HELP. NOW! PLEASE?

I know, I know, I did it again. Neglected my blog. Oh, well... the truth is, I've been busy with my newfound obsession: GREY'S ANATOMY. Now, how late am I?

I had never watched an episode until about a couple of weeks ago. My friend Kira used to watch it all the time, my coworkers would talk about it, and I never knew what it was about that show that had people so worked up. But I decided to get the DVD of the first season the other day.

OH.MY.GOD. Help me. I love it! I watched that DVD in one night, then got disc 2 with the rest of Season 1 episodes. Season 2 just came out last Tuesday, and I LITERALLY ran to Blockbuster to make sure I got my copies. 5 discs overall, about 5 to 6 episodes on each. (Let's make it clear that I'm watching the last episode of Season 2 as I type this, probably for the 5th time). It took me about 4 days, but I finished them all. I was going to bed at around 3am every morning, and I was exhausted all week because I could not make myself stop watching. Now I keep re-watching my favorite parts, and I am also loving the soundtrack. The thing is, Season 3 starts tomorrow and I feel like a kid the night before 1st day of school. I'm so anxious I could just slap myself! How pathetic is that?!

The funniest thing is that I actually met McDreamy, a.k.a. Patrick Dempsey, last May during the Indianapolis 500, while interning at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. I mean, he was RIGHT THERE 2 feet away from me for hours and hours, bumping elbows, making jokes, just hanging out. And I didn't ever bother to freak the fuck out! What is wrong with me. MCDREAMY! Why, God, why am I such a dummass??

I don't tend to obsess over anything on TV. Most of the time I'm so entertained with my computer, and work, and other things, that the only time I actually watch anything is really late at night, before going to sleep. But now I'm hooked. And I decided I'm getting cable again. Why deprive myself of the beauty of cable TV, when I could be having enlightning and education experiences following the Real World, What Not To Wear, Trading Spaces, Lucky Louie... Oh, so many options.

On another note - New plans: I'm going to NY for a weekend beginning of October. New job: going great. I work a lot, like the people, am learning a lot, and most of all, I get to afford cable TV.Yay!

Draft from Sunday, 09/17

This weekend I'm house/babysitting for a friend/former boss of mine. Right now, I'm sitting in front of computer that sits next to the door that takes you to a large deck, with trees, a running dog, a picnic table and other things that I wish I had in my community-shared backyard. I woke up around 10:35, open the extremely full refrigerator, checked the fully loaded pantry and made me a rich, suburban breakfast. This house has enough food to feed a small country. I'm having a great time. Yesterday I spend the whole day hanging out with Caroline, my friend's 9 year-old who is a riot. She's very independent and extremely witty not just for her age. She makes me feel kinda immature every once in a while. Yesterday we had lunch at a really nice Indian restaurant, then we both got pedicures, and she got very annoyed when the Asian lady giving her a pedicure called her 'the baby'. She also got mad because I was charged $30 and she was only charged $25. Go figure. Today we're going to the State Museum, the IMAX, and then we're having dinner with a friend of mine. AND I'm getting paid for this, can you believe it. Life is great in beautifull Danville.

10 fun things to do on labor day

1. learn how after a lifetime of messing with crocodiles, the crocodile hunter has been killed by a fish.

2. torture yourself by watching a turtle find its way down a flight of stairs.

3. watch daytime soap opera. Here's a beautiful scene I just watched: 2 people slept together only to wake up the next day and find out that they had sex with the the wrong twin. And both the guy and the girl had a twin.

4. pick up a week worth of dog poop that has been sitting outside in the yard because you don't want your neighbors to rally against you, and have you and your dog evicted for being disgusting.

5. go to Target to buy cleaning supplies, dog food, and $80 dollars worth of things that you absolutely don't need.

6. balance your checkbook.

7. watch the Boondocks on Youtube.

8. upload photos that have been trapped in your camera for the past month.

9. eat sugar free vanilla puddin for lunch because that's the only thing you have to eat at home besides some old mayo, rice and eggs.

10. learn ebonics. Ex: trifling - adjective; the act of being a total whore and not getting on the jang (not giving your man what he wants). Damn! I hate those trifling bitches!

love, kindness and the 12 galaxies

I am fascinated by real urban legends and the difficulty people have in explaining those characters: where they're from, where they live, and why they roam our streets doing what they do. I'm fascinated by their passion and organization with which they pursue whatever 'mission' they have, even if the tangible goal can only exist in their reality. They often develop some type of visual display by which they are easily recognized, and I'm drawn into the powerful and consistent systems that are a reasult of that.

In Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, for example, there was Profeta Gentileza (literally translates as "Profet Kindness") who was a small entrepreneur during the 50s. After 1961, when he was in his early 20s, he abandoned every material posession he had to only dedicate himself to a spiritual mission. He lived in the streets of Rio as a nomad for about 35 years wearing a long, potato bag type of gown, rocking a long Jesus beard, reaching out to the public by spreading messages of kindness and christian love. He would paint random words on the walls of downtown Rio and at other sites that have now become hot spots because of him. This year will be the 10th anniversary of his death. (Click on the images see larger size)


Profeta Gentileza - top middle: "kindess generates kindness". Bottom right sign: "this is profet kindess who spreads kindness lllllove beauty and richness to nature and god our father creator destroyed pppain and the devil"

Now, meet Frank Chu:

The other day while reading some blog, I learned about this other great personality - Frank Chu. He's a famous San Francisco eccentric that walks around the Bay area with signs composed of puzzling combinations of words and made-up terms, all surrounding the theory of the 12 galaxies. He protests 7 days a weeks, sun up to sun down, and his main mission is to spread the word on how Bill Clinton owes him about 25 billion dollars for a sort of "Truman Show" in which he is the star, that is shown all over the solar system with amazing success. He also wants to sue the CIA for not paying him and his family as movie stars, and he also claims that it has been discovered that all the years that he was medicaded in the past were the result of medical malpractice by psychiatrists connected to the CIA. This video can show you better than I could ever explain - believe me, you will thank me later.

my couch ate my phone

This morning (and by morning I mean 12:33pm) I woke up with my couch ringing. Yes, you heard it right, my couch was ringing, and it kept ringing until I decided to get up and answer it.

I came to the living room and my ringtone was coming from one of the couches in my living room. So I look everywhere, under the cushions, under the pillow, inside the cracks, and nothing. Then it rang again, and I followed the sound, only to find that my cell phone had been trapped inside the frame of the couch, in the deep darkness of the inside structure.

I tried to reach it by inserting my arm inside the space where the seat and the back meet, and nearly lost a limb. Desperately, I realized that the only solution would be to cut the back of the couch, and then I pondered what would be me bigger loss: to lose a couch or my cell phone.

It was a quick decision, and I sliced that bitch like there was no tomorrow.

freedom of jeans and the dumb little brazilian girls

This week has been a very good, busy, productive one, but I absolutely need it to be over. I can never make myself go to sleep before at least 2am, and that only adds up to 5 hours of sleep a night at most. Usually by Friday, when ideally someone should have slept 40 hours, I only slept 25, and you can clearly see it by the lack of make-up, the hair in a pony-tail that hasn't even been brushed, and the fact that I usually go out the door looking like I was blindfolded while getting dressed.

One of the things that I absolutely LOVE about the new job is that there is no dress code. My old job did, except for casual Fridays, when we could wear jeans. I had never been a jeans type of girl, and the first time I purchased a pair of jeans that I truly enjoyed wearing was in 2001, when I moved here. In Brazil is very hard to exist if you're bigger than a size 4, so clearly in my country there is a common belief amongst store owners and establishments in the apparel industry that if you're born with big hips and a not so slim waist you're not worth of owning decent clothing, let alone a pair of jeans. I remember growing up, my mom used to have clothes tailored for me and her because there was no way in hell we would find anything half-way presentable to wear, besides sweatpant and t-shirs. I ended up having a pretty sharp wardrobe by the time I was 18, and 80% was custom tailored for me by this lady who used to make sure to rub on my face that my butt was getting bigger by the visit. She would smack my behind and say "Girl, you 'bout to drive some man crazy with that big ol'butt you got!". I, of course, never took that as a compliment, and I used to find extremely annoying the fact that she thought I was too big for her to work with, but I would definately be a great meal for nasty construction workers.

Anyway, it is definitely a more comfortable experience being my size here in this country, because you're not constantly bombarded with the idea that your weight equals to that of 85 skinny brazilian girls combined. That used to bother me A LOT and I'm sure I have passed on a few experiences in the past because I just didn't feel like dealing with the looks of those girls who would stare at me as if they wanted me to realize that they were of a species more evolved than mine.

Now, for all I care, they can eat me because I have finally come to a point in life where I actually feel comfortable with myself enough to know that the size of my hips and the weight of my body is nobody's business but MINE. I would be lying if I said that I wouldn't love to shed some pounds, have a flatter stomach, and an ass that is about a quarter of the current ass I got, but even though it took me a while, I recently realized that somehow I have grown into someone who knows and believes that I'm SO much more than a stupid dress size.

And I wish the same for all those dumb little brazilian girls, while, of course, hoping that they asses reach size 24 by the time they are 30.