today's newsmap

"Want to stay up to date with current events and news? There's a really neat site called Newsmap that posts headlines from world news sources throughout the day in a colorful mosaic of information. You can click on global news or choose a specific country and select from various categories like business, technology, sports, entertainment and health. By clicking on the headline, you are instantly directed to the corresponding news page. The best part is everything is color coded so you know exactly what story goes with what topic. Even if you miss a day, you can click on the bottom for daily archives and check out past stories! It's like painting by numbers with news."

Awesome. And beautiful. And useful. And I fucking wish I had come up with it.

-- via GeekSugar

visitors

So I know I mentioned a while ago that one of my BESTEST EVER FRIEND was coming to visit me. He did, we had a great time, we drank lots of beer, we went to Chicago, we had a picnic in the canal downtown, than we drank some more, laughed some more, then cracked ourselves up. We also made up dances and slangs, we cooked, hung out, and I miss them terribly already. (by them I mean him and Marcela, his friend who's also my friend now.) Love them!

go burn a bra. NOW.

breaking news

via Chris Brown

"Sonia, say www.youtube.com"

ponto = dot :: www(ponto)youtube(ponto)com

murder plots and colored books

Update from yesterday: The hairdresser emailed-me himself and tried to apologize in his own obnoxious disgusting manner, by not saying he was sorry but by telling me he could appreciate why I felt disrespected. I didn't expect anything beyond that, beside seeing his ass on the street covered in shit holding a sign that reads "will work for food".

---

Update for yesterday no.2: I just received an email from one of the owners. Here's a small part:
"Hi Ana, My name is N. and I just wanted to let you know that I am sorry that I was unable to take you for your appt. I have a firm policy that a client can not be more than 12 min. late for an appt so that all stays on time. I do that so everyones schedules are as close to the time scheduled as possible only in emergencies do I make exceptions. I did need to leave the salon at 1pm and had a schedule for my afternoon. I felt that you needed to hear this from me so that I would extent my courtesy to you. Please feel free to reschedule if wanted.
Sincerely
N."

---

Besides spending my whole day and night plotting ways to kill the mother fucker, I took some time to organize my books by color. My goal was to make them look like this:



I would just like to say it here that THERE IS NO WAY THAT PHOTO WAS NOT PHOTOSHOPED OR THAT WHOEVER DID THAT THING DID NOT HAND-PAINTED HIS BOOKS. IMPOSSIBLE!! I dare anyone to try to, send me a picture and prove me wrong. Please. Thanks.

the day a hairdresser almost made me choke the bitch out of him

Bad customer service has a new meaning to me. I have officially seen the worst. And I have seen some real fucked up ones...

This is an email I just sent to the owner of the hair salon where I had an appointment today. I was completely verbally assaulted by a very flamboyant and orange hair stylist who did nothing short of rolling his eyes and neck at me. He made me see red for about an hour. Maybe three. Now my mission is just to get him fired:

(note that I'm not posting their names here. In case they don't reply to me within a day, I will post their link. Then you're all welcome to send them hate mail for me. Thanks in advance.)

"Dear XXXXXXX Hair Designs owners,

I'm taking time out of a busy day to write you this email after experiencing the worst, most disrespectful and humiliating customer service I have ever seen. It happened earlier today, at 12:45am, after I arrived late to one of my appointments at your salon.

I would like to open a parenthesis here and explain that I am a designer/branding professional who works on a daily basis on helping companies create a positive perception with the public, and what I experienced in your salon was nothing short ofappalling. I was very impressed with the organization of the website and the online booking alternative, and I was looking forward to seeing how my experience in your business would be. Evidently, it wasn't the best.

I schedule an appointment online for 12:30pm with N., who I believe is also one of the owners. Sometime before 9am this morning (Tuesday, July 17) somebody called me and asked me if it was ok to re-schedule my appointment with N. at 11:30am instead. Because I wouldn't be able to make, we rescheduled with another girl, still at 12:30pm. I was still very glad with the treatment I was given; the person who called me was extremely polite and made sure I was contacted early enough in case I had to change plans.

On my way to my appointment, I was running late. At 12:35pm I called the salon from my car, while I was stranded in traffic, and told the receptionist that I would be there in about 5 minutes. I apologized for being late and nothing was said about the inability of the hairstylist of making the appointment. When I got to the salon, at almost 12:45pm, I was told that the person I had schedule with had left because she had to pick up her child. I understood that I was late, and if the person had to go, I couldn't blame her, but I thought it was pertinent to bring up the question about an appointment being made at 12:30 when the stylist has to be gone by 12:45. Sounds awfully quick to me, but I didn't mean to challenge the the competence of the salon or the employee. It was a logical question, asked respectfully, not ONCE getting personal with any of the people involved.

So I asked "why was the appointment made at 12:30 if she had to be out by 12:45"? The question was made to the girl sitting in the reception area.

That's when J.B. (I see his photo on the website, that's why I know his name) stepped in and quickly responded "Why are you late"? I explained to him that I had called about running late. I also said that I was referred to the salon by a friend who really likes the salon, and that's why I was there, and that I couldn't understand why he was being so rude to me. He then when on a rampage, telling me "no to tell them how to book", "maybe my friend likes it because she's on time", "he didn't care what I thought", and ended by telling me "I was shocked because he was calling me out, and apparently I'm not used to it." All of that in a VERY standoffish and offensive tone.

I was ABSOLUTELY speechless. All I could say was that I was shocked, that he was completed over-reacting, that I would just call and re-schedule and that that was terrible customer service. I left and walked to my car oblivious, knowing that I would make the owners aware of the incident.

I'm writing you as a person who was extremely impressed with the service offered to me before I entered that place, and was looking forward to becoming a regular customer, since I live nearby. What your employee did to me was despicable, and he made SURE I NEVER, EVER STEP INTO THAT PLACE AGAIN. Not because the hairstylist wasn't there - I could live with that, because I know was late. But because I absolutely refuse to be a customer of a place that will let an employee greet a guest like Jeremy Brown did. This is not an attack at your salon. This is to make you aware of the treatment given to me by one of your associates, while other employees stood around watching him flat out personally disrespect me and my character.

I will make sure my friends who are already your customers don't ever return to that salon. I will also make this incident known to fellow PR colleagues who are a very tight community in this town. My goal is not to hurt your business, but it is to make a statement against this kind of behavior, which I'm sure directly affects the image of your salon.

I hope you take this email into consideration and somehow use it to your benefit. I wish you all luck and hope you realize that at the end of the day, those who work for or with you represent what you and your business stand for.
Hopefully that was just a REALLY bad first impression."

Hopefully the bitch is gone by now.

hospital and stuff

The past two days have been filled with running around to and from the hospital, making sure my friend is ok. I'm tired, but it's good to feel useful.

Here are four things I'm looking forward to:
1. Laying by the pool for at least half of my day tomorrow.
2. Getting the new prints I just got from Etsy framed and hung on my newly painted walls.
3. Seeing my best friend from Brazil next weekend/week. Ah! I can't wait.
4. Going to NY! (I think on the 27th. Not sure. But Yay for that anyway!)

Want to hear something great? I installed the "Honesty Box" application on my Facebook profile. Here's their quick description of it:

"Honesty Box lets you find out what your friends really think about you, your haircut, your body, your friends etc, by putting a box on your profile that people can use to send you anonymous messages. You can even reply to your anonymous messages!"

So far I got one. Check this out:



Ah! Isn't this great? I love that application. I'm just hoping someone else will write me and actually tell me something new. I replied to that first one, of course: "I know... I try to work on it, I really do, but when I realize, I already said it! Sorry! Hope I haven't ever been rude to you. I'm not a mean person, I just don't have great manners..."

Ok, big deal. Somebody told me I'm rude. What a shocker; I haven't heard that one before. But really, I don't see myself as a rude person. I'm just very honest, and I'm very good at voicing my opinion at all times. I don't mean to hurt anybody's feelings, I don't want to be evil. For real, I don't. Seriously. Get over it, people. Grow some balls or something. And please send me more comments.

I'm super tired. Good night, peeps.

open heart

This morning one of my closest friends here in Indianapolis had open heart surgery. I was his "person" in the hospital, the one they would come to and give updates throughout the process. The one who had to go and have a consult with the doctor after the procedure, to make sure I understood what was happening, and to know how to update his family of his condition (my friend is also from Brazil, and his whole family lives there. So yeah, I am his person.)

He's ok for now and I think be ok overall. He has to. It's just a weird feeling of being unsure and hoping to God that I don't have to be the one to ever deliver bad news. Or to have to lose a close friend.

I wrote about this the other day, but more and more I feel it around me. And surround me almost like a hug. I have an amazing family I was born into, and I have a family here too, and I didn't know what true, real, commited friendship was like until I moved thousands and thousands of miles from home . Until I got to a place where we were all alone, and we all had to rely on one another. To trust each other as we would trust a brother or a sister. It's a very good feeling, and it takes leaving your comfort zone to figure it out. I'm glad I did.

I know that if it was me there, I wouldn't be alone.

----

Update: I just got a call and he's off the respirator and asked where he was. Yay!

Poor Blitzo!

This is an awesome "monologue" between Michael Moore and Wolf Blitzer. It's just so sad how Wolf keeps trying to defend Dr. Gupta and can't get one word across. Worth watching every second of it.

you do what you gotta do

FROM PULITZER TO PARIS HILTON.
"He received a Pulitzer Prize for a memorable Vietnam War photograph. Now, Nick Ut has again snapped an image that says a lot about the times."

Dude. Seriously.

a-ok

I was reading some posts from a while ago and all of a sudden I missed writing. I mean, ACTUALLY WRITING, so that months from now I can come back here and see how I was feeling at 5:37, on July 5th, 2007. I'm at work, and my dog is here with me. That's how it is pretty much every day. I wake up around 8am, take a shower, put on something comfortable, usually with flip-flops, get Puppy and head out to work. The environment here is pretty laid back, and I get to work with some people who I actually like. Then I leave, maybe grab something to eat on my way home, walk my dog for a while, talk on the phone with a couple of friends, then maybe someone comes by, or we'll go out to dinner, and then I watch really bad TV.

Some people would say this is the most boring life in the world (including me sometimes), but the fact is that I am in a good place. I have an apartment I love, a job that even though doesn't really challenge me too much (or at all most of the time) but allows me to have a pretty stress-free life and doesn't require me to wear shoes or leave my dog alone at home. I have also been taking better care of myself and keeping my anxiety under control, and that is a huge deal to me. Last year being just normal was my main goal. Most of all, I have few but REAL friends. I look back, about 3 years ago, I knew so many people! I was always around strangers, a constant hang-out with people whose last name I didn't even know.

Now I have the real deal. It's like I have sorted trough everybody and kept the ones who I can really call if I get stranded on the highway. And they would actually come. Or those who would stay with me until 3 o'clock in the morning if I ever felt like I didn't want to be alone. Or those who call to check on me at least twice a week. I might not even see them that often, but I know they are there. I am happy with them. And I'm happy with things in general.

My best guy-friend from Brazil is coming to visit this month, and I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE HIM. I've been looking forward to that, and I've been looking forward to other things I can't quite mention now. So I'm finally ok.

And I'm finally getting comfortable with the fact that it's ok to just to be ok. This might be the Lexapro talking, but really - am I wrong?

past two days

haircut

Victoria Beckam, William Sledd, and Maggie.

balls swalled

That's what somebody was looking for when they found my blog.

A Love Letter to Ann Coulter

This is fabulous. And she's the devil. Crazy bony-ass-man-looking bitch.

Here's the transcript:

"Dear Ann:

You used to be fun; at least funny. At least gently and amusingly insane, but girlfriend, you’ve changed! The thousand-yard stare you’ve acquired in the last couple of years says lonely nights, too much wine and insecurity about the future of your career. Where to now, my sweet fascist? Another one of your silly books? More hilarious appearances on Hannity & Colmes? Bill Maher has to be tired of you by now.

You’re anything but stupid and by now , you must see the writing on the wall. You’ll never have a real place with the Beltway in crowd, as they see you as a northeastern, hickoid, pro wrestler, Nascar type with a degree from Cornell. I mean, really, Ann; where can it go from here? Ann, I think I have the answer, in fact, I know I do.

I want to hire you, Ann. I want you to come and work for me. I want you to be my “Ann Friday,” my housekeeper, beekeeper, floor, chimney and minesweeper, my window-washing, grocery-buying, dinner-cooking, obsequious, submissive concubine-domestic.

You will laugh at my jokes, celebrate my victories and lament my failures. You will praise my friends and vow great harm upon all who oppose me. You will treat me like a god, a guru, a mentor – and the best night in the sack you’ve ever had. You will carry my bags, wash my cars, walk my dogs and turn your savings over to me. You will massage Susan Sarandon’s aching shoulders, whip up vegan delights for Hanoi Jane Fonda, and loofah Barbra Streisand’s stretch marks.

But most of all, Ann, you will just shut the fuck up.

I can offer you a life of obedient servitude on my compound; in your time with me, you will learn much. You will learn that America is made up of people from all races, walks of life and sexual orientation and that it’s all OK. You will learn to be patient and kind. You will learn the meaning of the word “respect” and memorize every line of Caddyshack. You will listen to The Ramones, Black Sabbath and the Brides of Funkenstein. You’re a figure of fun and I plan on having fun with that figure. You will learn who your daddy is, that’s for sure.

But mostly, Ann, you will just the fuck up.

Come on, Anne, ya fuckin’ psycho; let’s do this!

Henry"

just in case you were wondering...

...what I would look like if I ever broke my wrist, here it is.



Pretty, huh? i fell ON MY ASS at work, 2 inches from hitting the wall with my face, so i figure it would be best to land on my hand. I'm in a little bit of pain, and small things like hooking my bra, buttoning up my pants, wiping myself, taking a shower and starting the car have become a nightmare. i'm supposed to go to the doctor next week for another x-ray and to see when i'll be able to take this cast off.

this is it for now. typing is hard too. update soon.

pluto

This can't be good for his self-esteem. Pluto, we all feel like you sometimes...

eagle vs shark

I've been waiting anxiously for Eagle vs Shark to come out, and guess what? It's out today! But guess what? It's not playing anywhere in Indianapolis. And I'm furious with that, as you might imagine. So if you live somewhere where this movie will be playing please go watch it and let me know how much you loved it and how much Indianapolis fucking blows for not picking it up!

s l o w a n d b a r e l y h e r e

So I have moved to my new apartment and this is now my third week here. I love it so far, everything I would need on a daily basis (besides my job) is pretty much walking distance from here: Target, movie theaters, grocery stores, an Apple store, shopping malls, restaurants (russian, thai, brazilian, japanese, chinese, you name it) - everything right around the corner. But since nothing is perfect in this world of mine, wireless Internet here sucks. I can pick up one open signal if I place 1/3 olf my computer on the edge of the desk that sits in my small and improvised office. I will be posting a photo that displays the fragility of my Internet situation tomorrow from work, because of course, the network at home is not stable enough to wait for all those ENORMOUS PIXELS FROM MY GIGANTIC 500K JPEG PHOTO TO UPLOAD. God damn it, me and all those pixels trying to get online. What the fuck, right?

But of course, the beautiful provider of my very expensive cable TV will also be allowing me to use the Internet comfortably from my very own rented home for the mere price of $30 some dollars a month. What a deal. Thanks Comcast, you rock! I could be out there jogging or spending my hours in the crazy outdoors, but you sure know how to keep me in here and watch my ass get bigger by the minute. Comcast, you... silly... cable provider!

Work has been crazy busy and I haven't had time to do much besides actual work, which totally blows. Hope this trend changes soon.

Here are some things that have been occupying my time or rocking my world: my best friend's home-made lettuce wraps, Paris Hilton in jail, Amy Winehouse, Patty Griffin, new photos and prints I bought from Talbott Street Art Fair, Icy-Hot patch to heal the crazy pain I had on my neck for 3 days after spending the night on a really hard couch, and of course my new 26'' flat screen TV (I had one ridiculously banged up TV that went to the trash before the move. I could only watch really bright shows on it, because the darks were REALLY DARK. Now I can watch shows I really like, instead of shows I pick based on contrast).

I'll be hooking up my new high-speed cable tomorrow, so more to come!

Because my sister asked me to

Even shorter!

We both have been working really hard

No words could express how great this is

This is all via Kottke. (BELIEVE ME, it's worth every second of it.)

It all started here:


...so they responded...


...and this is the sequel.


I love you, internet.

Another movie post about movies

Yesterday I went to the movies thinking that I was going to watch Spiderman 3, which really is not my kind of film, but whatever, I figure I might as well watch it so I can see if it's really worth the buzz. And I also wanted to see what Minus' apartment looks like on screen and if it the fiction version resembles her real living conditions, but it turns out that the movie theatre I went to was not showing SP3 because it's the only theatre in the city that's got some sense.

So because I was already there and because I had already bought a strawberry smoothie that cost me 4 whole dollars, and because that theater has the most freaking comfortable chairs I have ever seen in the whole entire universe, I stayed and watched Year of the Dog - just because I really liked the poster.


The website is pretty awesome too. Turns out that it was a lovely movie, funny but very charming with a bit of sadness that made want to run home and hug my dog as tight as I could. (which I did later on in the evening, right after going to Outback and eating chicken wings. Apparently my sympathy for poor little murdered animals didn't last too long.)

By the way, I googled Year of the Dog so I could find a link to a good review and post it here, and this what I found first. So in case you were wondering about DMX latest CD, it is filled with "hyper-aggressive flow and straightforward, barklike chants". But if you want to read a review about the movie, here it is.

And oh, about that Spiderman, here's the real version from MSNBC (the video makes it extra special):
"What began as a faint popping in a 9-year-old boy’s ear — “like Rice Krispies” — ended up as an earache, and the doctor’s diagnosis was that a pair of spiders made a home in the ear."

nobody puts baby in the corner

Exactly. I'm going.

I already bought my ticket online just in case other cheeseballs like me decide to show up and then it'll be sold out. We don't want that.

I am soooo excited! I remember the first time I watched Dirty Dancing back in Brazil, on my parent's VCR, and then the other 500 times that came after that, which is why I know at least 90% of the lines in the entire movie and every facial expression Patrick Swayze makes. Then I actuallty saw him in Chicago about 4 years ago and seeing his wrinkled old face just crushed by dreams, but memories of beautiful Johnny Castle still live inside of me. It's going to be amazing watching it at the theatre, I might cry. I know I will.

Now go carry a watermelon.

PETS

I know I'm not allowed to post things I haven't created in this blog anymore, at least until I get my credibility as a blogger back, but I couldn't resist it. I got this from a co-worker this morning.

PETS

Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us."

And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.
And it was a good animal.
And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, " I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them adored and loved them.

And they were comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."

And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased..

And Dog was happy.

And Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other.

I will become a decend blogger

Ok, so officially it's been a month I actually posted something here that wasn't a link to a video, a photo or an external link. On March 20, I posted about not posting. But a month before that I, on February 23, I had already posted again about not posting, so clearly I have developed a bullshit cycle so that my readers (???) won't completely leave me and so that my mom can see I'm alive. I am obviously full of it, and if I were the president of blogging, I would totally ban Legally Normal by lack of commitment and originality.

So in the spirit of trying to become a better blogger, and therefore a better human being, I have decided that I will be posting more regularly and I am not allowed to post videos or pictures anymore, unless I have something to add to them. And by adding, I mean at least a paragraph or something that I created with my very own brain.

I am pleased to say that I have officially made the list of links of Minus, and I need to live up to that.

So here are my first bits of original thoughts.

My roommate and I are no longer in good terms. He hasn't even cooked for me in like, 3 weeks. It all started with the day he called me from his car asking me if he could bring some girl over. Of course I said no. And you may think I'm an asshole, but believe me - he's been well aware that one of my main "rules" around here is that there is no sex-having at the spare bedroom of apt 112, which would be mine. I don't know why, and I really don't care if anybody else agrees or not, but I hate when I know people are having sex on the other side of the wall, and it's just not happening. So he made a big fuss about it, tried to yell at me over the phone, we argued, and I've been giving him the silent treatment since then. I don't even know why anymore, but I just want to make a statement, because you HAVE GOT to be crazy to try to yell at me. I mean, fucking crazy. I'm kinda over it by now, it's just that I'm just being lazy. I'll probably start a conversation sometime this week or ask him to bake me a cake.

In other news, I now have cable TV, which is totally and complete ruining my life. I am obsessed with I Love New York, and also the Flavor of Love girls, especially Becky Buckwild. You can see her in the following video, after 2:30 minutes. Actually I will soon have a post dedicated to her. Here's the video:


I don't know how to end this, so I'll end it by leaving with this beautiful piece of footage. Good night peeps, and enjoy the music.

Let's all pretend this is true

http://www.myheritage.com So according to them, these are my celebrities look alike. I don't want to look like Kelly Clarkson! Now it's your turn.

This is what the Minus' hiatus has done to me

Yay! Minus is back.

they've made my day happier

"Choice of Diseases" by Hal Sirowitz, from Father Said.

Now that I'm sick & have
all this time to contemplate
the meaning of the universe,
Father said, I understand why
I never did it before. Nothing
looks good from a prone position.
You have to walk around to appreciate
things. Once I get better I don't
intend to get sick for a while. But
if I do I hope I get one of those diseases
you can walk around with.

Employed

She just wants to be employed
for eight hours a day. She is not
interested in a career; she wants a job
with a paycheck and free parking. She
does not want to carry a briefcase filled
with important papers to read after
dinner; she does not want to return
phone calls. When she gets home, she
wants to kick off her shoes and waltz
around her kitchen singing, "I am a piece
of work."

The Invention of Fractions

God himself made the whole numbers: everything else
is the work of man.—Leopold Kronnecker

God created the whole numbers:
the first born, the seventh seal,
Ten Commandments etched in stone,
the Twelve Tribes of Israel —
Ten we've already lost —
forty days and forty nights,
Saul's ten thousand and David's ten thousand.
'Be of one heart and one mind' —
the whole numbers, the counting numbers.

It took humankind to need less than this;
to invent fractions, percentages, decimals.
Only humankind could need the concepts
of splintering and dividing,
of things lost or broken,
of settling for the part instead of the whole.

Only humankind could find the whole numbers,
infinite as they are, to be wanting;
though given a limitless supply,
we still had no way
to measure what we keep
in our many-chambered hearts.

"The Art of Disappearing" by Naomi Shihab Nye from Words Under the Words: Selected Poems.

When they say Don't I know you?
say no.

When they invite you to the party
remember what parties are like
before answering.
Someone telling you in a loud voice
they once wrote a poem.
Greasy sausage balls on a paper plate.
Then reply.

If they say We should get together
say why?

It's not that you don't love them anymore.
You're trying to remember something
too important to forget.
Trees. The monastery bell at twilight.
Tell them you have a new project.
It will never be finished.

When someone recognizes you in a grocery store
nod briefly and become a cabbage.
When someone you haven't seen in ten years
appears at the door,
don't start singing him all your new songs.
You will never catch up.

Walk around feeling like a leaf.
Know you could tumble any second.
Then decide what to do with your time.

(all of them via Writer's Almanac, a current favorite)

NYC

Just got back from a few days in New York. You can check out new photos here!

why you should keep crack away from grandma

Unwise Purchases

"Unwise Purchases" by George Bilgere from Haywire.

They sit around the house
not doing much of anything: the boxed set
of the complete works of Verdi, unopened.
The complete Proust, unread:

The French-cut silk shirts
which hang like expensive ghosts in the closet
and make me look exactly
like the kind of middle-aged man
who would wear a French-cut silk shirt:

The reflector telescope I thought would unlock
the mysteries of the heavens
but which I only used once or twice
to try to find something heavenly
in the windows of the high-rise down the road,
and which now stares disconsolately at the ceiling
when it could be examining the Crab Nebula:

The 30-day course in Spanish
whose text I never opened,
whose dozen cassette tapes remain unplayed,

save for Tape One, where I never learned
whether the suave American
conversing with a sultry-sounding desk clerk
at a Madrid hotel about the possibility
of obtaining a room
actually managed to check in.

I like to think
that one thing led to another between them
and that by Tape Six or so
they're happily married
and raising a bilingual child in Seville or Terra Haute.

But I'll never know.
Suddenly I realize
I have constructed the perfect home
for a sexy, Spanish-speaking astronomer
who reads Proust while listening to Italian arias,

and I wonder if somewhere in this teeming city
there lives a woman with, say,
a fencing foil gathering dust in the corner
near her unused easel, a rainbow of oil paints
drying in their tubes

on the table where the violin
she bought on a whim
lies entombed in the permanent darkness
of its locked case
next to the abandoned chess set,

a woman who has always dreamed of becoming
the kind of woman the man I've always dreamed of becoming
has always dreamed of meeting.

And while the two of them discuss star clusters
and Cézanne, while they fence delicately
in Castilian Spanish to the strains of Rigoletto,

she and I will stand in the steamy kitchen,
fixing up a little risotto,
enjoying a modest cabernet,
while talking over a day so ordinary
as to seem miraculous.

via The Writer's Amanac

proof that I too can change

A beautiful description of what I consider indescribable. It's not about religion - something I greatly resent. It's about knowing you don't always need to carry the weight of your world on your own. Not because we shouldn't, but because we can't.

"At first I saw God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things I did wrong, so as to know whether I merited Heaven or Hell when I die. He was out there sort of like the President. I recognized His picture when I saw it, but I didn't really know Him.

But later on when I recognized my Higher Power, it seemed as though life was rather like a bike ride; but it was a tandem bike, and I noticed that God was in the back helping me pedal. I don't know just when it was that He suggested we change places, but life has not been the same since . . . life with my Higher Power, that is. God makes life exciting.

When I had control, I knew the way. It was rather boring, but predictable. It was the shortest distance between two points. But when He took the lead, He knew delightful long cuts, up mountains, and through rocky places and at breakneck speeds. It was all I could do to hang on! Even though it looked like madness, He said, "Pedal!"

I worried and was anxious and asked, "Where are You taking me?" He laughed and didn't answer, and I started to trust. I forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure; and when I'd say, "I'm scared, " He'd lean back and touch my hand. He took me to people with gifts that I needed, gifts of healing, acceptance, and joy. They gave me their gifts to take on my journey; our journey, God's and mine.

And we were off again. He said, "Give the gifts away. They're extra baggage, too much weight." So I did, to the people we met, and I found that in giving I received, and still our burden was light.

I did not trust Him at first, in control of my life. I thought he'd wreck it. But He knew bike secrets, knew how to make it bend to take sharp corners, jump to clear high places filled with rocks, fly to shorten scary passages.

And I'm learning to shut up and pedal in the strangest places, and I'm beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face with my delightful constant companion.

And when I'm sure I can't do any more, He just smiles and says, "PEDAL!"

Me lately

I haven't blogged in a while because I really just don't feel like it. Lots of good stuff have happened. Here's a list:

1. Things with my new roommate are gravy. He's the sweetest thing and we're hitting off really well. I like him.

2. I got MVP of the month at work and a small cash reward. Woot, woot, represent!

3. I met someone. I'm getting back in the game. But I'm still nervous and very careful about it.

4. I went to Detroit a couple of weekends ago to see Justin Timberlake. Don't fucking judge me, I took one for the team. (I kinda liked it, though)

5. I'm going to NY in less than two weeks to meet with my brother and my dad. I'll be there for a couple of days. Yay for NYC!

That's the news from me. Please, pray that men won't suck again for me. I need all the help I can get. Amen.

Cartoon Laws of Physics

Cartoon Law I
Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over.

Cartoon Law II
Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly. Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.

Cartoon Law III
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the specialty of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.

Cartoon Law IV
The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken. Such an object is inevitably priceless, the attempt to capture it inevitably unsuccessful.

Cartoon Law V
All principles of gravity are negated by fear. Psychic forces are sufficient in most bodies for a shock to propel them directly away from the earth's surface. A spooky noise or an adversary's signature sound will induce motion upward, usually to the cradle of a chandelier, a treetop, or the crest of a flagpole. The feet of a character who is running or the wheels of a speeding auto need never touch the ground, especially when in flight.

Cartoon Law VI
As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once. This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in which a character's head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud of altercation at several places simultaneously. This effect is common as well among bodies that are spinning or being throttled. A `wacky' character has the option of self-replication only at manic high speeds and may ricochet off walls to achieve the velocity required.

Cartoon Law VII
Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to trick an opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical space. The painter is flattened against the wall when he attempts to follow into the painting. This is ultimately a problem of art, not of science.

Cartoon Law VIII
Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent. Cartoon cats possess even more deaths than the traditional nine lives might comfortably afford. They can be decimated, spliced, splayed, accordion-pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they cannot be destroyed. After a few moments of blinking self pity, they reinflate, elongate, snap back, or solidify. Corollary: A cat will assume the shape of its container.

Cartoon Law IX
Everything falls faster than an anvil.

Cartoon Law X
For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance. This is the one law of animated cartoon motion that also applies to the physical world at large. For that reason, we need the relief of watching it happen to a duck instead.

Cartoon Law Amendment A
A sharp object will always propel a character upward. When poked (usually in the buttocks) with a sharp object (usually a pin), a character will defy gravity by shooting straight up, with great velocity.

Cartoon Law Amendment B
The laws of object permanence are nullified for "cool" characters. Characters who are intended to be "cool" can make previously nonexistent objects appear from behind their backs at will. For instance, the Road Runner can materialize signs to express himself without speaking.

Cartoon Law Amendment C
Explosive weapons cannot cause fatal injuries. They merely turn characters temporarily black and smoky.

Cartoon Law Amendment D
Gravity is transmitted by slow-moving waves of large wavelengths. Their operation can be witnessed by observing the behavior of a canine suspended over a large vertical drop. Its feet will begin to fall first, causing its legs to stretch. As the wave reaches its torso, that part will begin to fall, causing the neck to stretch. As the head begins to fall, tension is released and the canine will resume its regular proportions until such time as it strikes the ground.

Cartoon Law Amendment E
Dynamite is spontaneously generated in "C-spaces" (spaces in which cartoon laws hold). The process is analogous to steady-state theories of the universe which postulated that the tensions involved in maintaining a space would cause the creation of hydrogen from nothing. Dynamite quanta are quite large (stick sized) and unstable (lit). Such quanta are attracted to psychic forces generated by feelings of distress in "cool" characters (see Amendment B, which may be a special case of this law), who are able to use said quanta to their advantage. One may imagine C-spaces where all matter and energy result from primal masses of dynamite exploding. A big bang indeed.

via here

Hamster Dance

Jobs vs. Gates

via Chris Brown

HOW Design Conference

This is one of the reasons why I want to be there.

And this too.

There's more where that came from.

I'm alive

I know haven't had a real post in a while, with more than 10 words that came out of my own brilliant mind, but things have been good. Here are some good things I can tell you about my lately:

1. I got a new roommate. He's nice, he's neat and he cooks. He cleaned my refrigerator. He buys groceries. Plus he has the type of face I like to look at.
2. I got a flat tire and was stranded on the highway coming back from a photoshoot out of town. I know, that's bad. But a really nice man stopped for me and changed my tire and the next day I had to pay less than 60 bucks to get it all fixed.
3. Medication is still doing wonders for me.
4. Work has been a little better. Tiny, tiny bit. But maybe it's just my mood. Yeah, that's probably it.
5. My co-worker Nancy brought me today some goodies from Bath and Body Works and a sweet, sweet card, just because I came by the office on Tuesday at 9pm after she called me and told me she had left her space heater on. People like her make me happy.
6. I'm moving to a gorgeous new apartment with my new roommate.
7. Tax refund, baby!
8. I have been updating my portfolio.
9. Past 2 Grey's Anatomy: freaking awesome.
10. I feel like I could date again. Someday. Soon.

best valentines poem ever

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
I know I'm a pain in the ass,
but so are you.

via fussy.

2006

Valentine's

My inner gay self

ok, bitches, so you know that gay man that always lived inside of me? Well, I found him today on Youtube, his name is William Sledd and I absolutely a-do-re him. He's just the cutest, funiest, cruel, friendly little thing I have ever seen and I just want to marry him and have tiny little Sledds running around the house!

I might be a little late at finding out about him, since he's apparently one of the biggest Youtube personalities around, but if you haven't seen him yet, check him out. You too might find that little gay man living inside of you.

We are all indescribably immature.

Sometimes I could just lick type

Prom Night Fist Fight is the digital illustration and typography experimentation playground of Joshua Blankenship.

Bad News

My mom called me this morning while I was stuck in traffic on my way to work. She told me my grandma died.

"I answer the heroic question 'Death, where is thy sting?' with 'It is here in my heart and mind and memories." -- Maya Angelou

for someone who doesn't give a damn...

... I'm pretty happy for them.



And if I had a penis, Prince would have given me a hard on. Fucking amazing.

Jovita and Daniela can't wait to hear from me

So I have decided to look for a roommate, since I have a spare bedroom in my apartment. I put an ad on Craigslist about 3 days ago and I have been getting a lot of responses, especially from Jamaican, Nigerian and British ladies who work in Africa to cure AIDS and are moving to America for 8 months for their paid vacation. One of them even said that the president of Nigeria would be paying half of my rent. This is the one I got today:

"Hello how are you doing?
i want you to know that me and my husband has been,trying your number now,but it has not been going true,all we are saying is that,we want you to give us your contact email address,and also your real name,which they will issue the cheque to you or money order,so as soon as you get the overdraft cheque or money,take it to the bank and deposit it,then you will then deduct the cost of the service and hold -on to the differences i will come for it as soon as i arrive the states,meanwhile i have plans to come in a flight chatered by the film production crew i work for, if that doesnt work out, then i will instruct you to wire the differences through western union money transfer to me or directly to a flight agent service that will be responsible for the issuing of a flight tickets to the states,you will deduct the western union charges from the differnces.

I hope this is clear.cant wait to hear from you
Jovita."

Yes, Jovita, very clear. This is another one from two days ago:

"Hello,
How are u doing? hope fine? if so, glory be to almighty God. I saw your Advert that u have a rom/apt.to be sub-leased online and am interested in renting the room/apt. It suits the type of place i need for my comfort and work. Am a lady of 28 yrs old and a British. I was born and brought up in London. I livedmost of my life traveling arround the world due to the nature of my work, i have been to most continent, Am a medical practisional, a doctor to be precised but presently in new south wales (Autralia) for a program which will be ending soon. i and the rest of my collegues will be coming to U.S.A (United State of America) for another program (HIV/AIDS seminal) which will last for some months or even a year. we'll be there to educate and give the people some medical diagnosis on HIV/AIDS. I will like to lease the room/apt for the period which i will be there for the program cos i prefer staying in an Apt/Room than staying in a hotel, it's more confortable and less expensive, pls response by mailing me and tell me if the room/apt is still available and then get back to me with the deposit amount and a bit about the room description, I cant wait to read from u soon.
Regards,
Daniela."

Beautiful ABCs

This is amazingly beautiful work of Dutch, the daddy of lucky Juniper.








In case you're wondering about some of them, here's the key for Dutch's alphabet:
A - Angel
B - Budah
C - Cowboy
D - Devil
E - Economist
F - Fairy
G - Gnome (clever, huh?)
H - Homeless
I - Icarus
J - Jew
K - Knight (clever 2)
L - Leprecon
M - Mummy
N - Ninja
O - Officer
P - Pirate
Q - Quixote (favorite #2)
R - Robot
S - Snowman
T - Tramp (favorite #1)
U - Ulysses
V - Viking
W - Witch
X - X-ray
Y - Yeti
Z - Zombie


And this is the work of Abba Richman.

things like this make me jealous

The day I find me one of those, I'm settling down. That's a collection of my favorite ones. Now go and check it out.

the amazing life of spiders

i don't need no ipod

by Natalie Dee

i miss them

I was reading my old blog and I came acrross this post. I miss those days:

"a few reasons why i love my job

Brad - Is "Driving." a sentence?
Mandy - No.
Brad - How about "Go."?
Ryan - I don't think so!
Mandy - How about "wake me up before you go go."?

Greg - If you could have a super power, what would it be?
Mandy - I would be able to shoot money out of my hands.
Greg - How about you, Brad?
Brad - I think shooting money out of my hands is pretty sweet. I probably would want that too.
Greg - And you, Ryan?
Ryan - I would want a classic super power. I would want to be able to fly. And be invisible.
Greg - But you can't choose two! You can only have one super power!!
Ryan - Well, then I would fly invisibly.

Greg - Ana, what would your super power be? Besides making out with me, of course.
Adam - Yeah, cause that's more like a super burden!

(Greg whistles while using spit).
Ana - Greg, that's nasty!! Quit playing with your spit!
Ryan - Yeah, Greg! Spit is NOT a toy.
Declan - In Brazil spit is a toy!

(Cindy, from Marketing. The whitest white lady ever.)
Cindy - For shizzle."

no comments

reorganizing

What a terrible blogger I am. I haven't posted a real post in what? Over a week? Well, things have been hectic, and to be quite honest, I just now unpacked my bags that I brought from my almost 1 month long vacation.

I have declared war on clutter inspired by her, and eventhough my apartment is not looking that neat, at least I tried and Goodwill now should have a promising 2007.

Also inspired by my buddy Chris, I am now making my list of resultions for this year. It has been a good January, and if this month is a sample of what 2007 will bring, I'm ok with that. I have big, BIG plans for this year, and if all goes well, big changes are going to happen in my life. I'm definatelly at a crossroads, and hopefully I'll make the right choice and things will work out for me. I can't get into too much now, but soon you'll know. Enough said, here's the list, in no particular order:

1. Save money.
2. Travel A LOT more than last year.
3. Grow professionally, study more and get back to the learning mode I was until May 2006.
4. Relocate.
5. Lose weight. A LOT of weight (believe me, I have a major plan)
6. Design my website/portfolio.
7. Improve my Flash skills and my spanish.
8. Find myself a hobby or join they gym. Both would be just overachieving.
9. Keep my portfolio updated.
10. Take better care of myself. I don't ever want to end a year like I ended 2006. That was painful and dumb.

So there it is. It's a lot to do, but with a sane mind, I know I can do anything I put my heart into it. I've done it before, and 6 years later, this is a whole new me.

Pshyeah! I Like Your Hair

oh my god!

it's pretty amazing

recurring nightmares & a letter from my sister

I've heard it is a cliche nightmare that one where you're all of a sudden naked in public, usually at school. But me, I sort of have a series of recurring nightmares that I have every once in a while ever since I can remember. Here's a list of them:
1. My mom moves to an apartment on her own, and she refuses to talk to her kids.
2. My sister is a whore.
3. I've murdered someone a long time ago and after a long time they find out and I go to prison.
4. I find out I still have 2 classes to take before graduating from college.
5. My sister doesn't like me and will not address me in any kind of way.

This last one is definitely one of nightmares I have more often. The most often and terrifying is the prison one, and I actually just had one of those last night. But almost equally as terrifying is the one that my sister doesn't like me, because it's one of those things that it's just impossible to think could become reality. Not because I'm lovely, but because I have given this girl so many chances in my life to just give up on liking me and she never took it. I have been rude, careless, I have ignored so many obvious attempts of affection, that if I were her, I would be like 'whatever to you, then!'. But she never did.

So the idea of me going to prison seems more possible than my sister not liking me or talking to me, thus the horrifying nature of nightmares number 5. I have, however, felt neglected by my sister and have many times seen her choose to spend her time with her girlfriends and boyfriend rather than with me. We've never been "girlfriends", we've never been the kind that would go out to the mall together, or go out to lunch together. That's just not what we do. I even told my therapist about it this last time I went to Brazil, that I couldn't communicate with my sister on a "friend" level, and that maybe I'm very much to blame, because I have screwed up so many of her attempts before that now she doesn't even try anymore. I told her I think that one day, maybe when we're older, we'll get to that stage, but for now that's how we are, and I understand.

So I checked my email a few minutes ago and there it is, an email from my sister, with a Word document attached. The email said: "Ana, I found this little letter here that I gave you when you moved away. Because that's still how it is, and how it will always be, I'm sending it again just to remind you, ok?"

The letter made me cry a lot, and for many, many reasons. She gave this to me in July, 2001, almost 6 years ago. So I decided to translate it so everyone can see how lucky I am to have a sister who can predict the future, who was patient with me and most of all, who can see right through me.

**************

"I don't know how to say goodbye to you, I don't even know why I'm writing. But I didn't want you to leave without me telling you some things. Actually, what I really wanted was to tell you it all, but I don't think this is a good time. Not because you're leaving, but because I think that even to hear "I love you" we have to be prepared. So strong those words, and we use it so casually, right? "I love you" became synonym to "you're nice". When really they should charge people if they said those words feeling less than... what I feel for you, for example. I love you, and I'm sure of it. Maybe the fact that we were born sisters gave this feeling a little push. Because really, we are so very different... do you think we would ever be close if life hadn't put us in the same family? I don't think so, but that doesn't mean I think I love you just because we're sisters. Actually, I think it's exactly the fact that you're so different from me that makes me love you so much. You know, sometimes it's hard to be me. To be so weak, scared, afraid. How I wish I was brave, strong, decisive... how I wish I was you sometimes. I look at you and I see the things I have struggled to become. But don't be fooled: I also look at you and I can see very clearly what I should not do. Because you are not only brave, strong and decisive. You are also quite immature and dumb. Most of all, you lack the courage to do what really is very hard, even harder than going to live by yourself in the United States: you lack the courage to be loved.

You know, I really believe that certain things happen in our lives at the wrong times, when we're not ready to deal with them, and those things stay inside of us until we have the courage to dig them out. And I'm sure that the love I feel for you will stay there inside of you, for as long as it needs to, until you're able to really accept it as your own. What you cannot do is not want it, because it's yours, and love can't be transferred.

It's amazing how a wall like the one that exists between our bedrooms can separate so much more than two rooms. It can separate two lives that could be so much better if they were closer to each other. That's why I hope that the distance of miles and miles can have the opposite effect: to bring two people together that have been wasting millions of chances to be close.

As I've said, I don't know how to say goodbye. So maybe I can use this letter to introduce myself to you: do you want to be my friend?

You are the sister I would choose if I could have chosen. Take care of yourself the way I would like to take care of you if I could be by your side during this time you'll be growing up far from me."

****************

I love her more than words can say and she's always been a role model to me. I have wasted a lot of chances to accept the love she had for me, but I think I'm ready now. Yes, I do want to be your friend.

Dri, voce ainda quer ser minha amiga?

follow the yellow trifling ebonics road

3 funny Google searches that led people to Legally Normal:
I. crime de jour
II. trifling ebonics
III. all of my action figures are cherry

graffiti poetry

There's more where that came from.

Back to business as usual

So here's a few reasons I haven't posted anything for the past week or so:

1. I was at Key West too busy getting tanned, throwing up on a boat trip, eat crab cakes, and wearing summer clothes.
2. I'm back at work after almost a month, and I'm trying to catch up and relearning the great craft of design.
3. I had too much laundry to do.
4. I've been at a friend's house who has cable TV, and it's not like I'm going to be blogging when "How do I look" and "I love New York" is on. Please!

But new photos have been uploaded to flickr. So go and check it out.