We both have been working really hard

No words could express how great this is

This is all via Kottke. (BELIEVE ME, it's worth every second of it.)

It all started here:


...so they responded...


...and this is the sequel.


I love you, internet.

Another movie post about movies

Yesterday I went to the movies thinking that I was going to watch Spiderman 3, which really is not my kind of film, but whatever, I figure I might as well watch it so I can see if it's really worth the buzz. And I also wanted to see what Minus' apartment looks like on screen and if it the fiction version resembles her real living conditions, but it turns out that the movie theatre I went to was not showing SP3 because it's the only theatre in the city that's got some sense.

So because I was already there and because I had already bought a strawberry smoothie that cost me 4 whole dollars, and because that theater has the most freaking comfortable chairs I have ever seen in the whole entire universe, I stayed and watched Year of the Dog - just because I really liked the poster.


The website is pretty awesome too. Turns out that it was a lovely movie, funny but very charming with a bit of sadness that made want to run home and hug my dog as tight as I could. (which I did later on in the evening, right after going to Outback and eating chicken wings. Apparently my sympathy for poor little murdered animals didn't last too long.)

By the way, I googled Year of the Dog so I could find a link to a good review and post it here, and this what I found first. So in case you were wondering about DMX latest CD, it is filled with "hyper-aggressive flow and straightforward, barklike chants". But if you want to read a review about the movie, here it is.

And oh, about that Spiderman, here's the real version from MSNBC (the video makes it extra special):
"What began as a faint popping in a 9-year-old boy’s ear — “like Rice Krispies” — ended up as an earache, and the doctor’s diagnosis was that a pair of spiders made a home in the ear."

nobody puts baby in the corner

Exactly. I'm going.

I already bought my ticket online just in case other cheeseballs like me decide to show up and then it'll be sold out. We don't want that.

I am soooo excited! I remember the first time I watched Dirty Dancing back in Brazil, on my parent's VCR, and then the other 500 times that came after that, which is why I know at least 90% of the lines in the entire movie and every facial expression Patrick Swayze makes. Then I actuallty saw him in Chicago about 4 years ago and seeing his wrinkled old face just crushed by dreams, but memories of beautiful Johnny Castle still live inside of me. It's going to be amazing watching it at the theatre, I might cry. I know I will.

Now go carry a watermelon.

PETS

I know I'm not allowed to post things I haven't created in this blog anymore, at least until I get my credibility as a blogger back, but I couldn't resist it. I got this from a co-worker this morning.

PETS

Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us."

And God said, I will create a companion for you that will be with you and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."

And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.
And it was a good animal.
And God was pleased.

And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.

And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."

And God said, " I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of my own name, and you will call him DOG."

And Dog lived with Adam and Eve and was a companion to them adored and loved them.

And they were comforted.

And God was pleased.

And Dog was content and wagged his tail.

After a while, it came to pass that an angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam and Eve have become filled with pride. They strut and preen like peacocks and they believe they are worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught them that they are loved, but perhaps too well."

And God said, I will create for them a companion who will be with them and who will see them as they are. The companion will remind them of their limitations, so they will know that they are not always worthy of adoration."

And God created CAT to be a companion to Adam and Eve.

And Cat would not obey them. And when Adam and Eve gazed into Cat's eyes, they were reminded that they were not the supreme beings.

And Adam and Eve learned humility.

And they were greatly improved.

And God was pleased..

And Dog was happy.

And Cat didn't give a shit one way or the other.

I will become a decend blogger

Ok, so officially it's been a month I actually posted something here that wasn't a link to a video, a photo or an external link. On March 20, I posted about not posting. But a month before that I, on February 23, I had already posted again about not posting, so clearly I have developed a bullshit cycle so that my readers (???) won't completely leave me and so that my mom can see I'm alive. I am obviously full of it, and if I were the president of blogging, I would totally ban Legally Normal by lack of commitment and originality.

So in the spirit of trying to become a better blogger, and therefore a better human being, I have decided that I will be posting more regularly and I am not allowed to post videos or pictures anymore, unless I have something to add to them. And by adding, I mean at least a paragraph or something that I created with my very own brain.

I am pleased to say that I have officially made the list of links of Minus, and I need to live up to that.

So here are my first bits of original thoughts.

My roommate and I are no longer in good terms. He hasn't even cooked for me in like, 3 weeks. It all started with the day he called me from his car asking me if he could bring some girl over. Of course I said no. And you may think I'm an asshole, but believe me - he's been well aware that one of my main "rules" around here is that there is no sex-having at the spare bedroom of apt 112, which would be mine. I don't know why, and I really don't care if anybody else agrees or not, but I hate when I know people are having sex on the other side of the wall, and it's just not happening. So he made a big fuss about it, tried to yell at me over the phone, we argued, and I've been giving him the silent treatment since then. I don't even know why anymore, but I just want to make a statement, because you HAVE GOT to be crazy to try to yell at me. I mean, fucking crazy. I'm kinda over it by now, it's just that I'm just being lazy. I'll probably start a conversation sometime this week or ask him to bake me a cake.

In other news, I now have cable TV, which is totally and complete ruining my life. I am obsessed with I Love New York, and also the Flavor of Love girls, especially Becky Buckwild. You can see her in the following video, after 2:30 minutes. Actually I will soon have a post dedicated to her. Here's the video:


I don't know how to end this, so I'll end it by leaving with this beautiful piece of footage. Good night peeps, and enjoy the music.

Let's all pretend this is true

http://www.myheritage.com So according to them, these are my celebrities look alike. I don't want to look like Kelly Clarkson! Now it's your turn.

This is what the Minus' hiatus has done to me

Yay! Minus is back.

they've made my day happier

"Choice of Diseases" by Hal Sirowitz, from Father Said.

Now that I'm sick & have
all this time to contemplate
the meaning of the universe,
Father said, I understand why
I never did it before. Nothing
looks good from a prone position.
You have to walk around to appreciate
things. Once I get better I don't
intend to get sick for a while. But
if I do I hope I get one of those diseases
you can walk around with.

Employed

She just wants to be employed
for eight hours a day. She is not
interested in a career; she wants a job
with a paycheck and free parking. She
does not want to carry a briefcase filled
with important papers to read after
dinner; she does not want to return
phone calls. When she gets home, she
wants to kick off her shoes and waltz
around her kitchen singing, "I am a piece
of work."

The Invention of Fractions

God himself made the whole numbers: everything else
is the work of man.—Leopold Kronnecker

God created the whole numbers:
the first born, the seventh seal,
Ten Commandments etched in stone,
the Twelve Tribes of Israel —
Ten we've already lost —
forty days and forty nights,
Saul's ten thousand and David's ten thousand.
'Be of one heart and one mind' —
the whole numbers, the counting numbers.

It took humankind to need less than this;
to invent fractions, percentages, decimals.
Only humankind could need the concepts
of splintering and dividing,
of things lost or broken,
of settling for the part instead of the whole.

Only humankind could find the whole numbers,
infinite as they are, to be wanting;
though given a limitless supply,
we still had no way
to measure what we keep
in our many-chambered hearts.

"The Art of Disappearing" by Naomi Shihab Nye from Words Under the Words: Selected Poems.

When they say Don't I know you?
say no.

When they invite you to the party
remember what parties are like
before answering.
Someone telling you in a loud voice
they once wrote a poem.
Greasy sausage balls on a paper plate.
Then reply.

If they say We should get together
say why?

It's not that you don't love them anymore.
You're trying to remember something
too important to forget.
Trees. The monastery bell at twilight.
Tell them you have a new project.
It will never be finished.

When someone recognizes you in a grocery store
nod briefly and become a cabbage.
When someone you haven't seen in ten years
appears at the door,
don't start singing him all your new songs.
You will never catch up.

Walk around feeling like a leaf.
Know you could tumble any second.
Then decide what to do with your time.

(all of them via Writer's Almanac, a current favorite)

NYC

Just got back from a few days in New York. You can check out new photos here!

why you should keep crack away from grandma

Unwise Purchases

"Unwise Purchases" by George Bilgere from Haywire.

They sit around the house
not doing much of anything: the boxed set
of the complete works of Verdi, unopened.
The complete Proust, unread:

The French-cut silk shirts
which hang like expensive ghosts in the closet
and make me look exactly
like the kind of middle-aged man
who would wear a French-cut silk shirt:

The reflector telescope I thought would unlock
the mysteries of the heavens
but which I only used once or twice
to try to find something heavenly
in the windows of the high-rise down the road,
and which now stares disconsolately at the ceiling
when it could be examining the Crab Nebula:

The 30-day course in Spanish
whose text I never opened,
whose dozen cassette tapes remain unplayed,

save for Tape One, where I never learned
whether the suave American
conversing with a sultry-sounding desk clerk
at a Madrid hotel about the possibility
of obtaining a room
actually managed to check in.

I like to think
that one thing led to another between them
and that by Tape Six or so
they're happily married
and raising a bilingual child in Seville or Terra Haute.

But I'll never know.
Suddenly I realize
I have constructed the perfect home
for a sexy, Spanish-speaking astronomer
who reads Proust while listening to Italian arias,

and I wonder if somewhere in this teeming city
there lives a woman with, say,
a fencing foil gathering dust in the corner
near her unused easel, a rainbow of oil paints
drying in their tubes

on the table where the violin
she bought on a whim
lies entombed in the permanent darkness
of its locked case
next to the abandoned chess set,

a woman who has always dreamed of becoming
the kind of woman the man I've always dreamed of becoming
has always dreamed of meeting.

And while the two of them discuss star clusters
and Cézanne, while they fence delicately
in Castilian Spanish to the strains of Rigoletto,

she and I will stand in the steamy kitchen,
fixing up a little risotto,
enjoying a modest cabernet,
while talking over a day so ordinary
as to seem miraculous.

via The Writer's Amanac

proof that I too can change

A beautiful description of what I consider indescribable. It's not about religion - something I greatly resent. It's about knowing you don't always need to carry the weight of your world on your own. Not because we shouldn't, but because we can't.

"At first I saw God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things I did wrong, so as to know whether I merited Heaven or Hell when I die. He was out there sort of like the President. I recognized His picture when I saw it, but I didn't really know Him.

But later on when I recognized my Higher Power, it seemed as though life was rather like a bike ride; but it was a tandem bike, and I noticed that God was in the back helping me pedal. I don't know just when it was that He suggested we change places, but life has not been the same since . . . life with my Higher Power, that is. God makes life exciting.

When I had control, I knew the way. It was rather boring, but predictable. It was the shortest distance between two points. But when He took the lead, He knew delightful long cuts, up mountains, and through rocky places and at breakneck speeds. It was all I could do to hang on! Even though it looked like madness, He said, "Pedal!"

I worried and was anxious and asked, "Where are You taking me?" He laughed and didn't answer, and I started to trust. I forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure; and when I'd say, "I'm scared, " He'd lean back and touch my hand. He took me to people with gifts that I needed, gifts of healing, acceptance, and joy. They gave me their gifts to take on my journey; our journey, God's and mine.

And we were off again. He said, "Give the gifts away. They're extra baggage, too much weight." So I did, to the people we met, and I found that in giving I received, and still our burden was light.

I did not trust Him at first, in control of my life. I thought he'd wreck it. But He knew bike secrets, knew how to make it bend to take sharp corners, jump to clear high places filled with rocks, fly to shorten scary passages.

And I'm learning to shut up and pedal in the strangest places, and I'm beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face with my delightful constant companion.

And when I'm sure I can't do any more, He just smiles and says, "PEDAL!"

Me lately

I haven't blogged in a while because I really just don't feel like it. Lots of good stuff have happened. Here's a list:

1. Things with my new roommate are gravy. He's the sweetest thing and we're hitting off really well. I like him.

2. I got MVP of the month at work and a small cash reward. Woot, woot, represent!

3. I met someone. I'm getting back in the game. But I'm still nervous and very careful about it.

4. I went to Detroit a couple of weekends ago to see Justin Timberlake. Don't fucking judge me, I took one for the team. (I kinda liked it, though)

5. I'm going to NY in less than two weeks to meet with my brother and my dad. I'll be there for a couple of days. Yay for NYC!

That's the news from me. Please, pray that men won't suck again for me. I need all the help I can get. Amen.

Cartoon Laws of Physics

Cartoon Law I
Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over.

Cartoon Law II
Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly. Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.

Cartoon Law III
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the specialty of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.

Cartoon Law IV
The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken. Such an object is inevitably priceless, the attempt to capture it inevitably unsuccessful.

Cartoon Law V
All principles of gravity are negated by fear. Psychic forces are sufficient in most bodies for a shock to propel them directly away from the earth's surface. A spooky noise or an adversary's signature sound will induce motion upward, usually to the cradle of a chandelier, a treetop, or the crest of a flagpole. The feet of a character who is running or the wheels of a speeding auto need never touch the ground, especially when in flight.

Cartoon Law VI
As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once. This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in which a character's head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud of altercation at several places simultaneously. This effect is common as well among bodies that are spinning or being throttled. A `wacky' character has the option of self-replication only at manic high speeds and may ricochet off walls to achieve the velocity required.

Cartoon Law VII
Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to trick an opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical space. The painter is flattened against the wall when he attempts to follow into the painting. This is ultimately a problem of art, not of science.

Cartoon Law VIII
Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent. Cartoon cats possess even more deaths than the traditional nine lives might comfortably afford. They can be decimated, spliced, splayed, accordion-pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they cannot be destroyed. After a few moments of blinking self pity, they reinflate, elongate, snap back, or solidify. Corollary: A cat will assume the shape of its container.

Cartoon Law IX
Everything falls faster than an anvil.

Cartoon Law X
For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance. This is the one law of animated cartoon motion that also applies to the physical world at large. For that reason, we need the relief of watching it happen to a duck instead.

Cartoon Law Amendment A
A sharp object will always propel a character upward. When poked (usually in the buttocks) with a sharp object (usually a pin), a character will defy gravity by shooting straight up, with great velocity.

Cartoon Law Amendment B
The laws of object permanence are nullified for "cool" characters. Characters who are intended to be "cool" can make previously nonexistent objects appear from behind their backs at will. For instance, the Road Runner can materialize signs to express himself without speaking.

Cartoon Law Amendment C
Explosive weapons cannot cause fatal injuries. They merely turn characters temporarily black and smoky.

Cartoon Law Amendment D
Gravity is transmitted by slow-moving waves of large wavelengths. Their operation can be witnessed by observing the behavior of a canine suspended over a large vertical drop. Its feet will begin to fall first, causing its legs to stretch. As the wave reaches its torso, that part will begin to fall, causing the neck to stretch. As the head begins to fall, tension is released and the canine will resume its regular proportions until such time as it strikes the ground.

Cartoon Law Amendment E
Dynamite is spontaneously generated in "C-spaces" (spaces in which cartoon laws hold). The process is analogous to steady-state theories of the universe which postulated that the tensions involved in maintaining a space would cause the creation of hydrogen from nothing. Dynamite quanta are quite large (stick sized) and unstable (lit). Such quanta are attracted to psychic forces generated by feelings of distress in "cool" characters (see Amendment B, which may be a special case of this law), who are able to use said quanta to their advantage. One may imagine C-spaces where all matter and energy result from primal masses of dynamite exploding. A big bang indeed.

via here

Hamster Dance

Jobs vs. Gates

via Chris Brown

HOW Design Conference

This is one of the reasons why I want to be there.

And this too.

There's more where that came from.

I'm alive

I know haven't had a real post in a while, with more than 10 words that came out of my own brilliant mind, but things have been good. Here are some good things I can tell you about my lately:

1. I got a new roommate. He's nice, he's neat and he cooks. He cleaned my refrigerator. He buys groceries. Plus he has the type of face I like to look at.
2. I got a flat tire and was stranded on the highway coming back from a photoshoot out of town. I know, that's bad. But a really nice man stopped for me and changed my tire and the next day I had to pay less than 60 bucks to get it all fixed.
3. Medication is still doing wonders for me.
4. Work has been a little better. Tiny, tiny bit. But maybe it's just my mood. Yeah, that's probably it.
5. My co-worker Nancy brought me today some goodies from Bath and Body Works and a sweet, sweet card, just because I came by the office on Tuesday at 9pm after she called me and told me she had left her space heater on. People like her make me happy.
6. I'm moving to a gorgeous new apartment with my new roommate.
7. Tax refund, baby!
8. I have been updating my portfolio.
9. Past 2 Grey's Anatomy: freaking awesome.
10. I feel like I could date again. Someday. Soon.

best valentines poem ever

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
I know I'm a pain in the ass,
but so are you.

via fussy.

2006

Valentine's

My inner gay self

ok, bitches, so you know that gay man that always lived inside of me? Well, I found him today on Youtube, his name is William Sledd and I absolutely a-do-re him. He's just the cutest, funiest, cruel, friendly little thing I have ever seen and I just want to marry him and have tiny little Sledds running around the house!

I might be a little late at finding out about him, since he's apparently one of the biggest Youtube personalities around, but if you haven't seen him yet, check him out. You too might find that little gay man living inside of you.

We are all indescribably immature.

Sometimes I could just lick type

Prom Night Fist Fight is the digital illustration and typography experimentation playground of Joshua Blankenship.

Bad News

My mom called me this morning while I was stuck in traffic on my way to work. She told me my grandma died.

"I answer the heroic question 'Death, where is thy sting?' with 'It is here in my heart and mind and memories." -- Maya Angelou

for someone who doesn't give a damn...

... I'm pretty happy for them.



And if I had a penis, Prince would have given me a hard on. Fucking amazing.

Jovita and Daniela can't wait to hear from me

So I have decided to look for a roommate, since I have a spare bedroom in my apartment. I put an ad on Craigslist about 3 days ago and I have been getting a lot of responses, especially from Jamaican, Nigerian and British ladies who work in Africa to cure AIDS and are moving to America for 8 months for their paid vacation. One of them even said that the president of Nigeria would be paying half of my rent. This is the one I got today:

"Hello how are you doing?
i want you to know that me and my husband has been,trying your number now,but it has not been going true,all we are saying is that,we want you to give us your contact email address,and also your real name,which they will issue the cheque to you or money order,so as soon as you get the overdraft cheque or money,take it to the bank and deposit it,then you will then deduct the cost of the service and hold -on to the differences i will come for it as soon as i arrive the states,meanwhile i have plans to come in a flight chatered by the film production crew i work for, if that doesnt work out, then i will instruct you to wire the differences through western union money transfer to me or directly to a flight agent service that will be responsible for the issuing of a flight tickets to the states,you will deduct the western union charges from the differnces.

I hope this is clear.cant wait to hear from you
Jovita."

Yes, Jovita, very clear. This is another one from two days ago:

"Hello,
How are u doing? hope fine? if so, glory be to almighty God. I saw your Advert that u have a rom/apt.to be sub-leased online and am interested in renting the room/apt. It suits the type of place i need for my comfort and work. Am a lady of 28 yrs old and a British. I was born and brought up in London. I livedmost of my life traveling arround the world due to the nature of my work, i have been to most continent, Am a medical practisional, a doctor to be precised but presently in new south wales (Autralia) for a program which will be ending soon. i and the rest of my collegues will be coming to U.S.A (United State of America) for another program (HIV/AIDS seminal) which will last for some months or even a year. we'll be there to educate and give the people some medical diagnosis on HIV/AIDS. I will like to lease the room/apt for the period which i will be there for the program cos i prefer staying in an Apt/Room than staying in a hotel, it's more confortable and less expensive, pls response by mailing me and tell me if the room/apt is still available and then get back to me with the deposit amount and a bit about the room description, I cant wait to read from u soon.
Regards,
Daniela."

Beautiful ABCs

This is amazingly beautiful work of Dutch, the daddy of lucky Juniper.








In case you're wondering about some of them, here's the key for Dutch's alphabet:
A - Angel
B - Budah
C - Cowboy
D - Devil
E - Economist
F - Fairy
G - Gnome (clever, huh?)
H - Homeless
I - Icarus
J - Jew
K - Knight (clever 2)
L - Leprecon
M - Mummy
N - Ninja
O - Officer
P - Pirate
Q - Quixote (favorite #2)
R - Robot
S - Snowman
T - Tramp (favorite #1)
U - Ulysses
V - Viking
W - Witch
X - X-ray
Y - Yeti
Z - Zombie


And this is the work of Abba Richman.

things like this make me jealous

The day I find me one of those, I'm settling down. That's a collection of my favorite ones. Now go and check it out.

the amazing life of spiders

i don't need no ipod

by Natalie Dee

i miss them

I was reading my old blog and I came acrross this post. I miss those days:

"a few reasons why i love my job

Brad - Is "Driving." a sentence?
Mandy - No.
Brad - How about "Go."?
Ryan - I don't think so!
Mandy - How about "wake me up before you go go."?

Greg - If you could have a super power, what would it be?
Mandy - I would be able to shoot money out of my hands.
Greg - How about you, Brad?
Brad - I think shooting money out of my hands is pretty sweet. I probably would want that too.
Greg - And you, Ryan?
Ryan - I would want a classic super power. I would want to be able to fly. And be invisible.
Greg - But you can't choose two! You can only have one super power!!
Ryan - Well, then I would fly invisibly.

Greg - Ana, what would your super power be? Besides making out with me, of course.
Adam - Yeah, cause that's more like a super burden!

(Greg whistles while using spit).
Ana - Greg, that's nasty!! Quit playing with your spit!
Ryan - Yeah, Greg! Spit is NOT a toy.
Declan - In Brazil spit is a toy!

(Cindy, from Marketing. The whitest white lady ever.)
Cindy - For shizzle."

no comments

reorganizing

What a terrible blogger I am. I haven't posted a real post in what? Over a week? Well, things have been hectic, and to be quite honest, I just now unpacked my bags that I brought from my almost 1 month long vacation.

I have declared war on clutter inspired by her, and eventhough my apartment is not looking that neat, at least I tried and Goodwill now should have a promising 2007.

Also inspired by my buddy Chris, I am now making my list of resultions for this year. It has been a good January, and if this month is a sample of what 2007 will bring, I'm ok with that. I have big, BIG plans for this year, and if all goes well, big changes are going to happen in my life. I'm definatelly at a crossroads, and hopefully I'll make the right choice and things will work out for me. I can't get into too much now, but soon you'll know. Enough said, here's the list, in no particular order:

1. Save money.
2. Travel A LOT more than last year.
3. Grow professionally, study more and get back to the learning mode I was until May 2006.
4. Relocate.
5. Lose weight. A LOT of weight (believe me, I have a major plan)
6. Design my website/portfolio.
7. Improve my Flash skills and my spanish.
8. Find myself a hobby or join they gym. Both would be just overachieving.
9. Keep my portfolio updated.
10. Take better care of myself. I don't ever want to end a year like I ended 2006. That was painful and dumb.

So there it is. It's a lot to do, but with a sane mind, I know I can do anything I put my heart into it. I've done it before, and 6 years later, this is a whole new me.

Pshyeah! I Like Your Hair

oh my god!

it's pretty amazing

recurring nightmares & a letter from my sister

I've heard it is a cliche nightmare that one where you're all of a sudden naked in public, usually at school. But me, I sort of have a series of recurring nightmares that I have every once in a while ever since I can remember. Here's a list of them:
1. My mom moves to an apartment on her own, and she refuses to talk to her kids.
2. My sister is a whore.
3. I've murdered someone a long time ago and after a long time they find out and I go to prison.
4. I find out I still have 2 classes to take before graduating from college.
5. My sister doesn't like me and will not address me in any kind of way.

This last one is definitely one of nightmares I have more often. The most often and terrifying is the prison one, and I actually just had one of those last night. But almost equally as terrifying is the one that my sister doesn't like me, because it's one of those things that it's just impossible to think could become reality. Not because I'm lovely, but because I have given this girl so many chances in my life to just give up on liking me and she never took it. I have been rude, careless, I have ignored so many obvious attempts of affection, that if I were her, I would be like 'whatever to you, then!'. But she never did.

So the idea of me going to prison seems more possible than my sister not liking me or talking to me, thus the horrifying nature of nightmares number 5. I have, however, felt neglected by my sister and have many times seen her choose to spend her time with her girlfriends and boyfriend rather than with me. We've never been "girlfriends", we've never been the kind that would go out to the mall together, or go out to lunch together. That's just not what we do. I even told my therapist about it this last time I went to Brazil, that I couldn't communicate with my sister on a "friend" level, and that maybe I'm very much to blame, because I have screwed up so many of her attempts before that now she doesn't even try anymore. I told her I think that one day, maybe when we're older, we'll get to that stage, but for now that's how we are, and I understand.

So I checked my email a few minutes ago and there it is, an email from my sister, with a Word document attached. The email said: "Ana, I found this little letter here that I gave you when you moved away. Because that's still how it is, and how it will always be, I'm sending it again just to remind you, ok?"

The letter made me cry a lot, and for many, many reasons. She gave this to me in July, 2001, almost 6 years ago. So I decided to translate it so everyone can see how lucky I am to have a sister who can predict the future, who was patient with me and most of all, who can see right through me.

**************

"I don't know how to say goodbye to you, I don't even know why I'm writing. But I didn't want you to leave without me telling you some things. Actually, what I really wanted was to tell you it all, but I don't think this is a good time. Not because you're leaving, but because I think that even to hear "I love you" we have to be prepared. So strong those words, and we use it so casually, right? "I love you" became synonym to "you're nice". When really they should charge people if they said those words feeling less than... what I feel for you, for example. I love you, and I'm sure of it. Maybe the fact that we were born sisters gave this feeling a little push. Because really, we are so very different... do you think we would ever be close if life hadn't put us in the same family? I don't think so, but that doesn't mean I think I love you just because we're sisters. Actually, I think it's exactly the fact that you're so different from me that makes me love you so much. You know, sometimes it's hard to be me. To be so weak, scared, afraid. How I wish I was brave, strong, decisive... how I wish I was you sometimes. I look at you and I see the things I have struggled to become. But don't be fooled: I also look at you and I can see very clearly what I should not do. Because you are not only brave, strong and decisive. You are also quite immature and dumb. Most of all, you lack the courage to do what really is very hard, even harder than going to live by yourself in the United States: you lack the courage to be loved.

You know, I really believe that certain things happen in our lives at the wrong times, when we're not ready to deal with them, and those things stay inside of us until we have the courage to dig them out. And I'm sure that the love I feel for you will stay there inside of you, for as long as it needs to, until you're able to really accept it as your own. What you cannot do is not want it, because it's yours, and love can't be transferred.

It's amazing how a wall like the one that exists between our bedrooms can separate so much more than two rooms. It can separate two lives that could be so much better if they were closer to each other. That's why I hope that the distance of miles and miles can have the opposite effect: to bring two people together that have been wasting millions of chances to be close.

As I've said, I don't know how to say goodbye. So maybe I can use this letter to introduce myself to you: do you want to be my friend?

You are the sister I would choose if I could have chosen. Take care of yourself the way I would like to take care of you if I could be by your side during this time you'll be growing up far from me."

****************

I love her more than words can say and she's always been a role model to me. I have wasted a lot of chances to accept the love she had for me, but I think I'm ready now. Yes, I do want to be your friend.

Dri, voce ainda quer ser minha amiga?

follow the yellow trifling ebonics road

3 funny Google searches that led people to Legally Normal:
I. crime de jour
II. trifling ebonics
III. all of my action figures are cherry

graffiti poetry

There's more where that came from.

Back to business as usual

So here's a few reasons I haven't posted anything for the past week or so:

1. I was at Key West too busy getting tanned, throwing up on a boat trip, eat crab cakes, and wearing summer clothes.
2. I'm back at work after almost a month, and I'm trying to catch up and relearning the great craft of design.
3. I had too much laundry to do.
4. I've been at a friend's house who has cable TV, and it's not like I'm going to be blogging when "How do I look" and "I love New York" is on. Please!

But new photos have been uploaded to flickr. So go and check it out.

Crazy PDA

Ok, so there's this asian couple next to me at this bar/cafe/restaurant at the airport that is just going at it. Their faces have been attached together for the past 10 minutes or so and I'm am this close to grabbing my camera and recording this totally weird moment for you. I have actually just made sure the flash is off so I can make this very odd public display of affection available to you all over there on the internet. I have looked at them at they don't really move their faces. It's like they are just there, glued together, with each other's tongue in each other's mouth, just waiting until it's their time to board.

Oh, damn... they just stopped. Sorry, internets. You'll have to find your own freaky asians.

New Year's Resolution

In the year 2007 I resolve to: Stop working my street corner. Now go get your own

Goodbye Brazil, hello Key West!

Right now I'm in Sao Paulo at the airport, and I still have about 5 hours ahead of me before boarding time. I have actually been here at the airport for about an hour, so I have just paid $11 of wifi access just so my time here won't seem like eternity.

It's always hard leaving, but hey - be proud of me - I didn't even cry! My mom did, but I guess if she hadn't I would be somewhat disappointed. It's a mom's job to cry whenever their kid is leaving. At least a good mom, and my is beyond awesome.

So I'll be arriving in Indianapolis tomorrow afternoon, and next day at 7:30am I am leaving to Key West for 5 glorious days at the beach. A company retreat, all expenses paid. Please don't die of jealousy, good thing evetually happen to good people and your time will also surely come.

Ok, I guess I'll do some more people watching, some youtube searching and other great little things to kill time.

Bye Brazil, it's nice seeing you!

good times. bad camera

5 Reasons Why Enthusiasm is Better than Confidence

"...Of course we want to perform at our best in these situations, but I think the word ‘confidence’ creates more problems than it solves. I usually advise clients to change the word to ‘enthusiasm’. Here’s why:

1. Confidence is about you - enthusiasm is about your subject
2. Confidence is about you (again) - enthusiasm is about others
3. Confidence is impressive - enthusiasm is infectious
4. Confidence is certain - enthusiasm is creative
5. Confidence is serious - enthusiasm is fun"

via Wishful Thinking

a very light christmas

The past few years my Christmas have been very nice, relaxing and predictable ones. And that's a good thing. Just us 5 with aggregated boyfriends and girlfriends, good food, my brother usually buys us all books, and we start reading and talking about them the next day. Tonight I watched "Love Actually" and this is my favorite scene. It never fails to make me a believer.



Tomorrow I have my 4th therapy session in two weeks. On the last one we talked about relationships and how much they consume the hell out of me, and how I can't manage to be in one and survive as a normal adult in society at the same time. That's why I don't have any more of those, at least for now. We have also been talking about the possibility of me moving back to Brazil. This is still in the works, so look out for updates.

Now big ups to the birth of baby Jesus, and shout outs to the creators of Lexapro.

when santa doesn't come

"I asked you what you want for Christmas. I secretly preayed your answer would be:'you'. It wasn't... You want a scarf."

via Postsecret

Merry Christmas!

Beautiful and heartbreaking

via Debbie Millman

From Brazil

Hello gentle readers,

I come to you from good ol' Brazil! I got here yesterday and so much already has happened, I'm really happy to be home! I landed in Rio yesterday at around 11, where my parents picked me up. From there, we drove for about a hour or so to my hometown where most of my family live. My grandma is in the hospital and she has been extremely fragile lately, and I almost thought I wasn't going to get the chance to see her again. But gladly I did, and I was with her this morning for a few hours. It was VERY hard seeing her there, she's an brave lady but sometimes it feels like it's just not fair to keep her here. I hope for the best FOR HER, and I just hope whatever the outcome is she can be comfortable and in peace. I think she really thought she wasn't going to see me again, and it was completely overwhelming to look at her face when she saw me walking in that door. My mom said she hasn't seen her crack a smile like that in a long, long time and I'm glad I could bring her that.

Another thing that has been pretty major is that I have already seen my old doctor from here, so I can start the treatment for my panic disorder/depression again. I don't know if I had mentioned here before, but the past month or so has been really trying, and I have lost count of how many times I cried for hours in a row for no apparent reason at all. Just cried my eyes out, and felt completely hopeless and unmotivated to brush my hair in the morning. My days are usually ok, but my nights are pretty awful and it has taken me a lot of self-control and panic management to keep it together. So my family came to my rescue again, and I have just started taking my meds, and for the first time in what it seems to be a really long time, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I SO believe in the power of medicine and in what those magic little pills can do for this brain of mine. I'm committed to just giving in control and letting them take over and balance all my crazy, out-of-wack chemicals. Dear pills, please cure me and I promise I'll be nice.

Anyway, I must be a little high right now because I just took my very first dose of Lexapro with some other medication that's supposed to turn shut off my superhyperactive thoughts and let my mind rest for a bit. I can't wait to feel normal again - if there's in fact a normal state for me.

My two best friends in the world just left about an hour ago, I hadn't seen them in over 2 years. It was really nice to see them again and just feel like that good feeling of home you only get around people who really, truly know you inside and out.

Ok, so now I'm surrendering to the meds and going to sleep. Hopefully tomorrow will be the first day of a very good stay.

Here's to Brazil and to chemical balance! Cheers.

Culture Clash - Craigslist Meets the Capitalists

NY TIMES - December 8, 2006, 12:51 pm

Jim Buckmaster, the chief executive of Craigslist, caused lots of head-scratching Thursday as he tried to explain to a bunch of Wall Street types why his company is not interested in “monetizing” his ridiculously popular Web operation. Appearing at the UBS global media conference in New York, Mr. Buckmaster took questions from the bemused audience, which apparently could not get its collective mind around the notion that Craigslist exists to help Web users find jobs, cars, apartments and dates — and not so much to make money.

Wendy Davis of MediaPost describes the presentation as a “a culture clash of near-epic proportions.” She recounts how UBS analyst Ben Schachter wanted to know how Craigslist plans to maximize revenue. It doesn’t, Mr. Buckmaster replied (perhaps wondering how Mr. Schachter could possibly not already know this). “That definitely is not part of the equation,” he said, according to MediaPost. “It’s not part of the goal.”

“I think a lot of people are catching their breath right now,” Mr. Schachter said in response.

The Tech Trader Daily blog ponders this question: “If YouTube was worth $1.65 billion, who knows what Craigslist would be worth if Jim and [site founder] Craig Newmark ever considred becoming — what’s the word? — capitalists.”

Craigslist charges money for job listings, but only in seven of the cities it serves ($75 in San Francisco; $35 in the others). And it charges for apartment listings in New York ($10 a pop). But that is just to pay expenses.

Mr. Schachter still did not seem to understand. How about running AdSense ads from Google? Craigslist has considered that, Mr. Buckmaster said. They even crunched the numbers, which were “quite staggering.” But users haven’t expressed an interest in seeing ads, so it is not going to happen.

Following the meeting, Mr. Schachter wrote a research note, flagged by Tech Trader Daily, which suggests that he still doesn’t quite get the concept of serving customers first, and worrying about revenues later, if at all (and nevermind profits). Craigslist, the analyst wrote, “does not fully monetize its traffic or services.”

Mr. Buckmaster said the company is doubling in size every year, as measured by page views and listings.

Larry Dignan, writing on Between the Lines blog at ZDNet, called Mr. Buckmaster “delightfully communist,” and described the audience as “confused capitalists wondering how a company can exist without the urge to maximize profits.”

sick as a dog and nearly handicapped

So the past few days have been filled with stuff I really don't have time to deal with right now. I have a cold that is just screwing up my humor and I also almost chopped the top of my left thumb off on Friday while using an xacto knife at work. It was nasty, they had to take me to an Immediate Care place to see if I needed stitches but they end up putting all these tiny adhesives on my finger and sprayed stuff on the cut so that the skin will heal itself. Click on the photos so you can enjoy the details. It's worse than it looks.



I'm leaving to Brazil on Tuesday, and I'll be there until the 25th. Packing sucks and the week before leaving is a bitch, but once I get there is great. This vacation is long overdue and very, very much needed. As much as I enjoy routine, I've been getting pretty sick and tired of the whole home - work, work - home thing. Weekends have been crap too. So I need to get the hell out for a minute and gain perspective so I can start enjoying the good side of sameness again.

I can't think of anything else too exciting to post, so I guess that's it. I need to go spend time with my dog cause I'm leaving him for almost two weeks, and that always breaks my heart. I'm going to drive myself crazy when I have kids.

This should make you cry

My life; an open book

Today for some reason I happened to visit my old blog which was no longer live, and I found my MoTime inbox full of messages of old faithful readers that wanted to know what happened to me and my blog. I felt bad, and I tried to reply to all of them and guide them here, so any of you got my message, welcome! I am flattered to know that eventhough I don't get too many comments, people are reading this stuff I write.

I guess that's one of the reasons why I keep writing. Not that I write for other people (I feel like I would blog even if I was the only person reading this stuff), but everytime I check my StatCounter I'm surprised to see all the visitors I get, from all over the world. Some are here daily, several times a day, and the majority stays here for at least 20 minutes, which means they came and stayed. I have no idea why, but they do.

So thanks whoever you are and I hope I don't bore you to death.

Video Game Live

A few months ago I went to this show here in Indianapolis called Video Game Live. I actually blogged about it here, and today while browsing on Youtube I found this cool little video about it:

Debbie Downer

i can't get used to this

The past 4 days got me used to not working. I left the office today totally mentally drained, already dreading the painful minute when my alarm will go off tomorrow morning. Where's the rich old man I'm supposed to marry? Please sir, email if you're reading this.

BTW, new photos have been uploaded to Flickr. Massive Change was amazing. I was like a kid in a candy store. Ya'll should go.

I could get used to this

Here are some things I have done so far this Thanksgiving holiday:
- came to Chicago and am staying at my friend's lovely aunt's house, who is adorable and funny.
- ate too much good food
- walked around Michigan Ave = too.much.people.too.little.space.
- went to see Opra's Harpo Studios
- went to see Bruce Mau's "Massive Change" exhibit at the Museum of Contemporary Arts. Amazing. Photos to come.
- attended a church choir rehearsal

I'm leaving tomorrow, but not before going to my favorite Brazilian restaurant. I'll have pictures up once I recover from all the non-work I'm doing. Laters!

Creative Clients

Creative Clients
Originally uploaded by debbie millman.

The story of my life. Via Debbie Millman.

The story of the day when a mansion almost swalled me

Last Friday my boss sent me an email asking me how would I feel about making a presentation to about 20-30 people during one of our client's conferences, in behalf of the firm. They needed someone to talk about publication design to a group of editors, writers, PR professionals, that were here in Indianapolis for their annual conference. Of course I said yes, as those of you who've met me know that I'm the queen of stepping-up and proving that I can raise to occasions.

I had less then a week to prepare for the event from the time I got the email, but working at least 9 hour days, that means I really had a few hours to put together some material and show up there with some balls to talk to a group of professionals with years of experience ahead of me.

I wasn't too nervous until I got there. The place itself was overwhelming - a beautiful, huge mansion built in 1916 that sits on top of a hill, as you can see here. Absolutely grand. I went throug the big wood doors towards a room where long tables and chairs where arranged facing a wall size projection screen. I plugged in my laptop, got settled and waited. Then people kept coming in, and they would take their seats and get organized, as if they were there to experience an hour of abslute enlightment. And in the end of the room there was poor little me and my little 14-inch mac plugged into the wall so that our fagile, piece-of-shit battery would last us for the whole hour.

The first two minutes went smoothly, I was focused and well rehearsed. But then I started loosing track of the content, and I next thing I knew, I felt as if I had never seen that stuff before. "Typeface? What is a typeface?" It was all a big blurr. At one point, I wanted to say "You know what? I really don't know what the hell I'm talking about here, and really this is not that important, so why don't we just go home and start our weekends earlier, huh? What do ya'll say?".

I had to swallow my nerves and power through the remaining 50 minutes, taking questions, mediating the session, and getting through the content. And I did, without throwing up, not even once. I even cracked a few jokes to showcase my charming personality with a few nervous laughs. Everything went ok.

So sweet friends, here is to my major balls and amazing freak-out control! Cheers!

Read Minus Five

Minus Five turns one today!

That has got to be one of my favorite blogs. If not the favorite. Minus is the funniest, most honest and out-of-the ordinary people I have ever heard of. She's a designer/artist living in Brooklyn. Not only her blog is awesome, but she spreads her genius all over other people's pages through her comments. Here's a recent example of why if she said "jump", I would:

(Post from Mary Pages blog):

"In the spirit of Tania's "neighborhood appreciation" blog, I thought I'd share with my kind readers what was going on in my neighborhood this weekend. It was BET's annual HIP HOP awards...and there was definitely some good people watching. Fortunately for me, I live on a street that is very popular for cruising, picking up transsexual hookers and purchasing illegal drugs on any random day of the week so one can imagine how things picked up with the weekend festivities. I was talking to a friend of mine and was thinking that, perhaps, I was being prejudiced by feeling uncomfortable with all of the random people walking around...many of them looking rather thuggish. He reminded me that these were not the Colin Powell awards nor was Oprah Winfrey's studio audience in town...it was the HIP HOP awards...these are people who rap about shooting people, banging "bitches," doing drugs and many other *not so on the up and up* activities. I know my feelings about this may be a disappointment to some of my readers, but I stand by what I say. I do not think that the HIP HOP community is propelling society (african american and otherwise) into a higher level of consciousness. I understand that the lyrics reflect that lifestyle and trials and tribulations of *the street* and I also think that, perhaps, degrading women and endorsing a life of crime and irresponsibility is not the way to inspire people to live better. I strongly believe that the things that we think, say, and feel create the environment in which we exist...at our essence we are all energy...just energy...molecules, really...so it is up to us to create the world in which we wish to live through our thoughts and actions."

Comment from Minus:

Crime De Jour

Watched "Dancing with the Stars" final and was secretly happy when Emmit won, eventhough Mario kicked ass all season long. Oh, I so wish I could dance!

What would we be without it now

1:33am

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brazilbound

So I just purchased my ticket to go to Brazil next month. I'll be there for almost 2 weeks, and I'm coming back on Dec 25th, which is kinda of a weird date to leave but coming back anytime after that would cost me at least $400 more.

I absolutely hate the actual 'flying' home. Those almost 24 hours in between airports is totally a pain in my ass, but I can't wait to go home and see my family, my old friends, the house, the dog, and everything I miss. So I decided to make a list of random things I'm anxious to enjoy as soon as I get there:

1. Having 5 o'clock cofee breaks with my mom. Fresh coffee, french bread right out of the oven, with butter. One of my favorite things to do in the world.

2. Hot, hot, sticky weather.

3. Afternoons watching good cable TV and old soap operas.

4. Eating decent food on a regular basis. Hopefully losing a few pounds.

5. Washing my hair with non-clorine-white-stuffy-water. One of the things I absolutely cannot get used to here is the fact that the water is so heavy and gross, consequently making my hair heavy and gross as well. I have no bad-hair days in Brazil. It's like washing your hair with spring water.

6. Seeing my grandmas! and my godson, and the rest of my family.

7. Driving good cars. (I usually leave a few tickets behind for my family, but I promise I won't do it this time. I don't do it on purpose.)

8. Buying cute shoes and big earrings.

9. Not stressing, not working and not paying for anything for 2 whole weeks!

10. Getting my hair and nails done. Believe me, it's different there.

I'm counting down the days now. 27 to go.

Baby wanted 12 lemons

Hello again, people who read this blog! I apologize for my brief absence in the past few weeks. Life is busy, panic attacks are back and in between work, searching for a new car, and losing wireless signal at home, I haven't been able to be here as much as I should. Bad, bad blogger. Anyway, I'm here and all is well.

Last night I decided to stay at home with a bottle of wine and the TV, despite of a couple of phone call from friends inviting me out for a drink. I just didn't feel like doing much, so I went to Blockbuster and got me what I thought it would one of those harmless romantic comedies that if anything, would put me to sleep.

I got "The Breakup", THE movie that started it all between Jenn and Vince last year. And all I have to say is that I completely impressed and touched from beginning to end. What I really loved about it is that it's totally not one of those happily ever after stories wrapped with a bowl that makes you roll your eyes at the end of the movie. The characters are layered and imperfect, and things don't go like you wish they would, and they can't communicate to save their lives. She is always beating around the bush, while he is too straight-forward and literal. She wants him to want to work on their relationship, but he is too uncomplicated to even get what that means. They are illogical, but they love each other, have great intimacy, and rituals, habits and many happy moments together. Still, they breakup, and as much as you hope for a happy ending, it just doesn't happen. They manage to screw it up all on their own, no help needed.

Isn't that how it really goes?

The movie was filmed in Chicago, and that happens to be a place that holds so many memories to me. My ex, with whom I spend the last 2 years with, lived there, and as I was watching the movie I kept thinking of all the weekends I would drive up there to spend time with him and we would go to all those places that to this day I haven't managed to go back to because it's just too much there. The walks by the lake, the boat rides, the blues clubs, the downtown restaurants, the stores on Michigan Ave, the ball park, the summer festivals. And all those nights I spent in that city with the person I thought would be me with for as far as I could see. Those streets where I wandered for hours by myself after our crazy arguments. We were both too clumsy, too dumb and proud to apologize or talk things through.

That screen was speaking directly to me.

I have this tendency of being overtly dramatic when it comes to ex-boyfriends (specially this last one and our bitter breakup). I keep wondering what I could have done different, "why did it happened like that, what a waste of my time!". Watching that movie last night was really good for me. It's about people who come to your life for a certain period of time but they don't come to stay. And that doesn't mean you shouldn't give them your best, that you shouldn't jump in head first, that you shouldn't hold on to those memories as much as you can. You love them, you build stories together, things go wrong and you see your castles fall. Then you learn to love better, and build stronger castles that will more than likely fall again, and you keep moving on until you have a long list of places that are hard to revisit because all you can think of was how happy you once were there. How much you wish you could put that feeling in a bottle and take it with you wherever you go.

Then one day you bump into that person that at one point meant the world to you, and now he's almost a stranger, and it just so happens that the person you were back then is also long gone.

It might sound sad, but seriously, isn't that a nicer perspective?

It's easier to deal with things that way.

You love, you live it as hard as you can, and you move on.


And it's not the end.