"Unwise Purchases" by George Bilgere from Haywire.
They sit around the house
not doing much of anything: the boxed set
of the complete works of Verdi, unopened.
The complete Proust, unread:
The French-cut silk shirts
which hang like expensive ghosts in the closet
and make me look exactly
like the kind of middle-aged man
who would wear a French-cut silk shirt:
The reflector telescope I thought would unlock
the mysteries of the heavens
but which I only used once or twice
to try to find something heavenly
in the windows of the high-rise down the road,
and which now stares disconsolately at the ceiling
when it could be examining the Crab Nebula:
The 30-day course in Spanish
whose text I never opened,
whose dozen cassette tapes remain unplayed,
save for Tape One, where I never learned
whether the suave American
conversing with a sultry-sounding desk clerk
at a Madrid hotel about the possibility
of obtaining a room
actually managed to check in.
I like to think
that one thing led to another between them
and that by Tape Six or so
they're happily married
and raising a bilingual child in Seville or Terra Haute.
But I'll never know.
Suddenly I realize
I have constructed the perfect home
for a sexy, Spanish-speaking astronomer
who reads Proust while listening to Italian arias,
and I wonder if somewhere in this teeming city
there lives a woman with, say,
a fencing foil gathering dust in the corner
near her unused easel, a rainbow of oil paints
drying in their tubes
on the table where the violin
she bought on a whim
lies entombed in the permanent darkness
of its locked case
next to the abandoned chess set,
a woman who has always dreamed of becoming
the kind of woman the man I've always dreamed of becoming
has always dreamed of meeting.
And while the two of them discuss star clusters
and Cézanne, while they fence delicately
in Castilian Spanish to the strains of Rigoletto,
she and I will stand in the steamy kitchen,
fixing up a little risotto,
enjoying a modest cabernet,
while talking over a day so ordinary
as to seem miraculous.
via The Writer's Amanac
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
Sunday, April 01, 2007
proof that I too can change
A beautiful description of what I consider indescribable. It's not about religion - something I greatly resent. It's about knowing you don't always need to carry the weight of your world on your own. Not because we shouldn't, but because we can't.
"At first I saw God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things I did wrong, so as to know whether I merited Heaven or Hell when I die. He was out there sort of like the President. I recognized His picture when I saw it, but I didn't really know Him.
But later on when I recognized my Higher Power, it seemed as though life was rather like a bike ride; but it was a tandem bike, and I noticed that God was in the back helping me pedal. I don't know just when it was that He suggested we change places, but life has not been the same since . . . life with my Higher Power, that is. God makes life exciting.
When I had control, I knew the way. It was rather boring, but predictable. It was the shortest distance between two points. But when He took the lead, He knew delightful long cuts, up mountains, and through rocky places and at breakneck speeds. It was all I could do to hang on! Even though it looked like madness, He said, "Pedal!"
I worried and was anxious and asked, "Where are You taking me?" He laughed and didn't answer, and I started to trust. I forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure; and when I'd say, "I'm scared, " He'd lean back and touch my hand. He took me to people with gifts that I needed, gifts of healing, acceptance, and joy. They gave me their gifts to take on my journey; our journey, God's and mine.
And we were off again. He said, "Give the gifts away. They're extra baggage, too much weight." So I did, to the people we met, and I found that in giving I received, and still our burden was light.
I did not trust Him at first, in control of my life. I thought he'd wreck it. But He knew bike secrets, knew how to make it bend to take sharp corners, jump to clear high places filled with rocks, fly to shorten scary passages.
And I'm learning to shut up and pedal in the strangest places, and I'm beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face with my delightful constant companion.
And when I'm sure I can't do any more, He just smiles and says, "PEDAL!"
"At first I saw God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things I did wrong, so as to know whether I merited Heaven or Hell when I die. He was out there sort of like the President. I recognized His picture when I saw it, but I didn't really know Him.
But later on when I recognized my Higher Power, it seemed as though life was rather like a bike ride; but it was a tandem bike, and I noticed that God was in the back helping me pedal. I don't know just when it was that He suggested we change places, but life has not been the same since . . . life with my Higher Power, that is. God makes life exciting.
When I had control, I knew the way. It was rather boring, but predictable. It was the shortest distance between two points. But when He took the lead, He knew delightful long cuts, up mountains, and through rocky places and at breakneck speeds. It was all I could do to hang on! Even though it looked like madness, He said, "Pedal!"
I worried and was anxious and asked, "Where are You taking me?" He laughed and didn't answer, and I started to trust. I forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure; and when I'd say, "I'm scared, " He'd lean back and touch my hand. He took me to people with gifts that I needed, gifts of healing, acceptance, and joy. They gave me their gifts to take on my journey; our journey, God's and mine.
And we were off again. He said, "Give the gifts away. They're extra baggage, too much weight." So I did, to the people we met, and I found that in giving I received, and still our burden was light.
I did not trust Him at first, in control of my life. I thought he'd wreck it. But He knew bike secrets, knew how to make it bend to take sharp corners, jump to clear high places filled with rocks, fly to shorten scary passages.
And I'm learning to shut up and pedal in the strangest places, and I'm beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face with my delightful constant companion.
And when I'm sure I can't do any more, He just smiles and says, "PEDAL!"
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Me lately
I haven't blogged in a while because I really just don't feel like it. Lots of good stuff have happened. Here's a list:
1. Things with my new roommate are gravy. He's the sweetest thing and we're hitting off really well. I like him.
2. I got MVP of the month at work and a small cash reward. Woot, woot, represent!
3. I met someone. I'm getting back in the game. But I'm still nervous and very careful about it.
4. I went to Detroit a couple of weekends ago to see Justin Timberlake. Don't fucking judge me, I took one for the team. (I kinda liked it, though)
5. I'm going to NY in less than two weeks to meet with my brother and my dad. I'll be there for a couple of days. Yay for NYC!
That's the news from me. Please, pray that men won't suck again for me. I need all the help I can get. Amen.
1. Things with my new roommate are gravy. He's the sweetest thing and we're hitting off really well. I like him.
2. I got MVP of the month at work and a small cash reward. Woot, woot, represent!
3. I met someone. I'm getting back in the game. But I'm still nervous and very careful about it.
4. I went to Detroit a couple of weekends ago to see Justin Timberlake. Don't fucking judge me, I took one for the team. (I kinda liked it, though)
5. I'm going to NY in less than two weeks to meet with my brother and my dad. I'll be there for a couple of days. Yay for NYC!
That's the news from me. Please, pray that men won't suck again for me. I need all the help I can get. Amen.
Cartoon Laws of Physics
Cartoon Law I
Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over.
Cartoon Law II
Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly. Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.
Cartoon Law III
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the specialty of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
Cartoon Law IV
The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken. Such an object is inevitably priceless, the attempt to capture it inevitably unsuccessful.
Cartoon Law V
All principles of gravity are negated by fear. Psychic forces are sufficient in most bodies for a shock to propel them directly away from the earth's surface. A spooky noise or an adversary's signature sound will induce motion upward, usually to the cradle of a chandelier, a treetop, or the crest of a flagpole. The feet of a character who is running or the wheels of a speeding auto need never touch the ground, especially when in flight.
Cartoon Law VI
As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once. This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in which a character's head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud of altercation at several places simultaneously. This effect is common as well among bodies that are spinning or being throttled. A `wacky' character has the option of self-replication only at manic high speeds and may ricochet off walls to achieve the velocity required.
Cartoon Law VII
Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to trick an opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical space. The painter is flattened against the wall when he attempts to follow into the painting. This is ultimately a problem of art, not of science.
Cartoon Law VIII
Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent. Cartoon cats possess even more deaths than the traditional nine lives might comfortably afford. They can be decimated, spliced, splayed, accordion-pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they cannot be destroyed. After a few moments of blinking self pity, they reinflate, elongate, snap back, or solidify. Corollary: A cat will assume the shape of its container.
Cartoon Law IX
Everything falls faster than an anvil.
Cartoon Law X
For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance. This is the one law of animated cartoon motion that also applies to the physical world at large. For that reason, we need the relief of watching it happen to a duck instead.
Cartoon Law Amendment A
A sharp object will always propel a character upward. When poked (usually in the buttocks) with a sharp object (usually a pin), a character will defy gravity by shooting straight up, with great velocity.
Cartoon Law Amendment B
The laws of object permanence are nullified for "cool" characters. Characters who are intended to be "cool" can make previously nonexistent objects appear from behind their backs at will. For instance, the Road Runner can materialize signs to express himself without speaking.
Cartoon Law Amendment C
Explosive weapons cannot cause fatal injuries. They merely turn characters temporarily black and smoky.
Cartoon Law Amendment D
Gravity is transmitted by slow-moving waves of large wavelengths. Their operation can be witnessed by observing the behavior of a canine suspended over a large vertical drop. Its feet will begin to fall first, causing its legs to stretch. As the wave reaches its torso, that part will begin to fall, causing the neck to stretch. As the head begins to fall, tension is released and the canine will resume its regular proportions until such time as it strikes the ground.
Cartoon Law Amendment E
Dynamite is spontaneously generated in "C-spaces" (spaces in which cartoon laws hold). The process is analogous to steady-state theories of the universe which postulated that the tensions involved in maintaining a space would cause the creation of hydrogen from nothing. Dynamite quanta are quite large (stick sized) and unstable (lit). Such quanta are attracted to psychic forces generated by feelings of distress in "cool" characters (see Amendment B, which may be a special case of this law), who are able to use said quanta to their advantage. One may imagine C-spaces where all matter and energy result from primal masses of dynamite exploding. A big bang indeed.
via here
Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second per second takes over.
Cartoon Law II
Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly. Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.
Cartoon Law III
Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the specialty of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.
Cartoon Law IV
The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken. Such an object is inevitably priceless, the attempt to capture it inevitably unsuccessful.
Cartoon Law V
All principles of gravity are negated by fear. Psychic forces are sufficient in most bodies for a shock to propel them directly away from the earth's surface. A spooky noise or an adversary's signature sound will induce motion upward, usually to the cradle of a chandelier, a treetop, or the crest of a flagpole. The feet of a character who is running or the wheels of a speeding auto need never touch the ground, especially when in flight.
Cartoon Law VI
As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once. This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in which a character's head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud of altercation at several places simultaneously. This effect is common as well among bodies that are spinning or being throttled. A `wacky' character has the option of self-replication only at manic high speeds and may ricochet off walls to achieve the velocity required.
Cartoon Law VII
Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to trick an opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical space. The painter is flattened against the wall when he attempts to follow into the painting. This is ultimately a problem of art, not of science.
Cartoon Law VIII
Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent. Cartoon cats possess even more deaths than the traditional nine lives might comfortably afford. They can be decimated, spliced, splayed, accordion-pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they cannot be destroyed. After a few moments of blinking self pity, they reinflate, elongate, snap back, or solidify. Corollary: A cat will assume the shape of its container.
Cartoon Law IX
Everything falls faster than an anvil.
Cartoon Law X
For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance. This is the one law of animated cartoon motion that also applies to the physical world at large. For that reason, we need the relief of watching it happen to a duck instead.
Cartoon Law Amendment A
A sharp object will always propel a character upward. When poked (usually in the buttocks) with a sharp object (usually a pin), a character will defy gravity by shooting straight up, with great velocity.
Cartoon Law Amendment B
The laws of object permanence are nullified for "cool" characters. Characters who are intended to be "cool" can make previously nonexistent objects appear from behind their backs at will. For instance, the Road Runner can materialize signs to express himself without speaking.
Cartoon Law Amendment C
Explosive weapons cannot cause fatal injuries. They merely turn characters temporarily black and smoky.
Cartoon Law Amendment D
Gravity is transmitted by slow-moving waves of large wavelengths. Their operation can be witnessed by observing the behavior of a canine suspended over a large vertical drop. Its feet will begin to fall first, causing its legs to stretch. As the wave reaches its torso, that part will begin to fall, causing the neck to stretch. As the head begins to fall, tension is released and the canine will resume its regular proportions until such time as it strikes the ground.
Cartoon Law Amendment E
Dynamite is spontaneously generated in "C-spaces" (spaces in which cartoon laws hold). The process is analogous to steady-state theories of the universe which postulated that the tensions involved in maintaining a space would cause the creation of hydrogen from nothing. Dynamite quanta are quite large (stick sized) and unstable (lit). Such quanta are attracted to psychic forces generated by feelings of distress in "cool" characters (see Amendment B, which may be a special case of this law), who are able to use said quanta to their advantage. One may imagine C-spaces where all matter and energy result from primal masses of dynamite exploding. A big bang indeed.
via here
Wednesday, March 07, 2007
Monday, February 26, 2007
Friday, February 23, 2007
I'm alive
I know haven't had a real post in a while, with more than 10 words that came out of my own brilliant mind, but things have been good. Here are some good things I can tell you about my lately:
1. I got a new roommate. He's nice, he's neat and he cooks. He cleaned my refrigerator. He buys groceries. Plus he has the type of face I like to look at.
2. I got a flat tire and was stranded on the highway coming back from a photoshoot out of town. I know, that's bad. But a really nice man stopped for me and changed my tire and the next day I had to pay less than 60 bucks to get it all fixed.
3. Medication is still doing wonders for me.
4. Work has been a little better. Tiny, tiny bit. But maybe it's just my mood. Yeah, that's probably it.
5. My co-worker Nancy brought me today some goodies from Bath and Body Works and a sweet, sweet card, just because I came by the office on Tuesday at 9pm after she called me and told me she had left her space heater on. People like her make me happy.
6. I'm moving to a gorgeous new apartment with my new roommate.
7. Tax refund, baby!
8. I have been updating my portfolio.
9. Past 2 Grey's Anatomy: freaking awesome.
10. I feel like I could date again. Someday. Soon.
1. I got a new roommate. He's nice, he's neat and he cooks. He cleaned my refrigerator. He buys groceries. Plus he has the type of face I like to look at.
2. I got a flat tire and was stranded on the highway coming back from a photoshoot out of town. I know, that's bad. But a really nice man stopped for me and changed my tire and the next day I had to pay less than 60 bucks to get it all fixed.
3. Medication is still doing wonders for me.
4. Work has been a little better. Tiny, tiny bit. But maybe it's just my mood. Yeah, that's probably it.
5. My co-worker Nancy brought me today some goodies from Bath and Body Works and a sweet, sweet card, just because I came by the office on Tuesday at 9pm after she called me and told me she had left her space heater on. People like her make me happy.
6. I'm moving to a gorgeous new apartment with my new roommate.
7. Tax refund, baby!
8. I have been updating my portfolio.
9. Past 2 Grey's Anatomy: freaking awesome.
10. I feel like I could date again. Someday. Soon.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Sunday, February 11, 2007
My inner gay self
ok, bitches, so you know that gay man that always lived inside of me? Well, I found him today on Youtube, his name is William Sledd and I absolutely a-do-re him. He's just the cutest, funiest, cruel, friendly little thing I have ever seen and I just want to marry him and have tiny little Sledds running around the house!
I might be a little late at finding out about him, since he's apparently one of the biggest Youtube personalities around, but if you haven't seen him yet, check him out. You too might find that little gay man living inside of you.
I might be a little late at finding out about him, since he's apparently one of the biggest Youtube personalities around, but if you haven't seen him yet, check him out. You too might find that little gay man living inside of you.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Sometimes I could just lick type
Prom Night Fist Fight is the digital illustration and typography experimentation playground of Joshua Blankenship.
Bad News
My mom called me this morning while I was stuck in traffic on my way to work. She told me my grandma died.
"I answer the heroic question 'Death, where is thy sting?' with 'It is here in my heart and mind and memories." -- Maya Angelou
"I answer the heroic question 'Death, where is thy sting?' with 'It is here in my heart and mind and memories." -- Maya Angelou
Sunday, February 04, 2007
for someone who doesn't give a damn...
... I'm pretty happy for them.
And if I had a penis, Prince would have given me a hard on. Fucking amazing.
And if I had a penis, Prince would have given me a hard on. Fucking amazing.
Friday, February 02, 2007
Jovita and Daniela can't wait to hear from me
So I have decided to look for a roommate, since I have a spare bedroom in my apartment. I put an ad on Craigslist about 3 days ago and I have been getting a lot of responses, especially from Jamaican, Nigerian and British ladies who work in Africa to cure AIDS and are moving to America for 8 months for their paid vacation. One of them even said that the president of Nigeria would be paying half of my rent. This is the one I got today:
"Hello how are you doing?
i want you to know that me and my husband has been,trying your number now,but it has not been going true,all we are saying is that,we want you to give us your contact email address,and also your real name,which they will issue the cheque to you or money order,so as soon as you get the overdraft cheque or money,take it to the bank and deposit it,then you will then deduct the cost of the service and hold -on to the differences i will come for it as soon as i arrive the states,meanwhile i have plans to come in a flight chatered by the film production crew i work for, if that doesnt work out, then i will instruct you to wire the differences through western union money transfer to me or directly to a flight agent service that will be responsible for the issuing of a flight tickets to the states,you will deduct the western union charges from the differnces.
I hope this is clear.cant wait to hear from you
Jovita."
Yes, Jovita, very clear. This is another one from two days ago:
"Hello,
How are u doing? hope fine? if so, glory be to almighty God. I saw your Advert that u have a rom/apt.to be sub-leased online and am interested in renting the room/apt. It suits the type of place i need for my comfort and work. Am a lady of 28 yrs old and a British. I was born and brought up in London. I livedmost of my life traveling arround the world due to the nature of my work, i have been to most continent, Am a medical practisional, a doctor to be precised but presently in new south wales (Autralia) for a program which will be ending soon. i and the rest of my collegues will be coming to U.S.A (United State of America) for another program (HIV/AIDS seminal) which will last for some months or even a year. we'll be there to educate and give the people some medical diagnosis on HIV/AIDS. I will like to lease the room/apt for the period which i will be there for the program cos i prefer staying in an Apt/Room than staying in a hotel, it's more confortable and less expensive, pls response by mailing me and tell me if the room/apt is still available and then get back to me with the deposit amount and a bit about the room description, I cant wait to read from u soon.
Regards,
Daniela."
"Hello how are you doing?
i want you to know that me and my husband has been,trying your number now,but it has not been going true,all we are saying is that,we want you to give us your contact email address,and also your real name,which they will issue the cheque to you or money order,so as soon as you get the overdraft cheque or money,take it to the bank and deposit it,then you will then deduct the cost of the service and hold -on to the differences i will come for it as soon as i arrive the states,meanwhile i have plans to come in a flight chatered by the film production crew i work for, if that doesnt work out, then i will instruct you to wire the differences through western union money transfer to me or directly to a flight agent service that will be responsible for the issuing of a flight tickets to the states,you will deduct the western union charges from the differnces.
I hope this is clear.cant wait to hear from you
Jovita."
Yes, Jovita, very clear. This is another one from two days ago:
"Hello,
How are u doing? hope fine? if so, glory be to almighty God. I saw your Advert that u have a rom/apt.to be sub-leased online and am interested in renting the room/apt. It suits the type of place i need for my comfort and work. Am a lady of 28 yrs old and a British. I was born and brought up in London. I livedmost of my life traveling arround the world due to the nature of my work, i have been to most continent, Am a medical practisional, a doctor to be precised but presently in new south wales (Autralia) for a program which will be ending soon. i and the rest of my collegues will be coming to U.S.A (United State of America) for another program (HIV/AIDS seminal) which will last for some months or even a year. we'll be there to educate and give the people some medical diagnosis on HIV/AIDS. I will like to lease the room/apt for the period which i will be there for the program cos i prefer staying in an Apt/Room than staying in a hotel, it's more confortable and less expensive, pls response by mailing me and tell me if the room/apt is still available and then get back to me with the deposit amount and a bit about the room description, I cant wait to read from u soon.
Regards,
Daniela."
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Beautiful ABCs
This is amazingly beautiful work of Dutch, the daddy of lucky Juniper.
In case you're wondering about some of them, here's the key for Dutch's alphabet:
A - Angel
B - Budah
C - Cowboy
D - Devil
E - Economist
F - Fairy
G - Gnome (clever, huh?)
H - Homeless
I - Icarus
J - Jew
K - Knight (clever 2)
L - Leprecon
M - Mummy
N - Ninja
O - Officer
P - Pirate
Q - Quixote (favorite #2)
R - Robot
S - Snowman
T - Tramp (favorite #1)
U - Ulysses
V - Viking
W - Witch
X - X-ray
Y - Yeti
Z - Zombie
And this is the work of Abba Richman.
In case you're wondering about some of them, here's the key for Dutch's alphabet:
A - Angel
B - Budah
C - Cowboy
D - Devil
E - Economist
F - Fairy
G - Gnome (clever, huh?)
H - Homeless
I - Icarus
J - Jew
K - Knight (clever 2)
L - Leprecon
M - Mummy
N - Ninja
O - Officer
P - Pirate
Q - Quixote (favorite #2)
R - Robot
S - Snowman
T - Tramp (favorite #1)
U - Ulysses
V - Viking
W - Witch
X - X-ray
Y - Yeti
Z - Zombie
And this is the work of Abba Richman.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
things like this make me jealous
The day I find me one of those, I'm settling down. That's a collection of my favorite ones. Now go and check it out.
Friday, January 26, 2007
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)