Debbie Downer

i can't get used to this

The past 4 days got me used to not working. I left the office today totally mentally drained, already dreading the painful minute when my alarm will go off tomorrow morning. Where's the rich old man I'm supposed to marry? Please sir, email if you're reading this.

BTW, new photos have been uploaded to Flickr. Massive Change was amazing. I was like a kid in a candy store. Ya'll should go.

I could get used to this

Here are some things I have done so far this Thanksgiving holiday:
- came to Chicago and am staying at my friend's lovely aunt's house, who is adorable and funny.
- ate too much good food
- walked around Michigan Ave = too.much.people.too.little.space.
- went to see Opra's Harpo Studios
- went to see Bruce Mau's "Massive Change" exhibit at the Museum of Contemporary Arts. Amazing. Photos to come.
- attended a church choir rehearsal

I'm leaving tomorrow, but not before going to my favorite Brazilian restaurant. I'll have pictures up once I recover from all the non-work I'm doing. Laters!

Creative Clients

Creative Clients
Originally uploaded by debbie millman.

The story of my life. Via Debbie Millman.

The story of the day when a mansion almost swalled me

Last Friday my boss sent me an email asking me how would I feel about making a presentation to about 20-30 people during one of our client's conferences, in behalf of the firm. They needed someone to talk about publication design to a group of editors, writers, PR professionals, that were here in Indianapolis for their annual conference. Of course I said yes, as those of you who've met me know that I'm the queen of stepping-up and proving that I can raise to occasions.

I had less then a week to prepare for the event from the time I got the email, but working at least 9 hour days, that means I really had a few hours to put together some material and show up there with some balls to talk to a group of professionals with years of experience ahead of me.

I wasn't too nervous until I got there. The place itself was overwhelming - a beautiful, huge mansion built in 1916 that sits on top of a hill, as you can see here. Absolutely grand. I went throug the big wood doors towards a room where long tables and chairs where arranged facing a wall size projection screen. I plugged in my laptop, got settled and waited. Then people kept coming in, and they would take their seats and get organized, as if they were there to experience an hour of abslute enlightment. And in the end of the room there was poor little me and my little 14-inch mac plugged into the wall so that our fagile, piece-of-shit battery would last us for the whole hour.

The first two minutes went smoothly, I was focused and well rehearsed. But then I started loosing track of the content, and I next thing I knew, I felt as if I had never seen that stuff before. "Typeface? What is a typeface?" It was all a big blurr. At one point, I wanted to say "You know what? I really don't know what the hell I'm talking about here, and really this is not that important, so why don't we just go home and start our weekends earlier, huh? What do ya'll say?".

I had to swallow my nerves and power through the remaining 50 minutes, taking questions, mediating the session, and getting through the content. And I did, without throwing up, not even once. I even cracked a few jokes to showcase my charming personality with a few nervous laughs. Everything went ok.

So sweet friends, here is to my major balls and amazing freak-out control! Cheers!

Read Minus Five

Minus Five turns one today!

That has got to be one of my favorite blogs. If not the favorite. Minus is the funniest, most honest and out-of-the ordinary people I have ever heard of. She's a designer/artist living in Brooklyn. Not only her blog is awesome, but she spreads her genius all over other people's pages through her comments. Here's a recent example of why if she said "jump", I would:

(Post from Mary Pages blog):

"In the spirit of Tania's "neighborhood appreciation" blog, I thought I'd share with my kind readers what was going on in my neighborhood this weekend. It was BET's annual HIP HOP awards...and there was definitely some good people watching. Fortunately for me, I live on a street that is very popular for cruising, picking up transsexual hookers and purchasing illegal drugs on any random day of the week so one can imagine how things picked up with the weekend festivities. I was talking to a friend of mine and was thinking that, perhaps, I was being prejudiced by feeling uncomfortable with all of the random people walking around...many of them looking rather thuggish. He reminded me that these were not the Colin Powell awards nor was Oprah Winfrey's studio audience in town...it was the HIP HOP awards...these are people who rap about shooting people, banging "bitches," doing drugs and many other *not so on the up and up* activities. I know my feelings about this may be a disappointment to some of my readers, but I stand by what I say. I do not think that the HIP HOP community is propelling society (african american and otherwise) into a higher level of consciousness. I understand that the lyrics reflect that lifestyle and trials and tribulations of *the street* and I also think that, perhaps, degrading women and endorsing a life of crime and irresponsibility is not the way to inspire people to live better. I strongly believe that the things that we think, say, and feel create the environment in which we exist...at our essence we are all energy...just energy...molecules, really...so it is up to us to create the world in which we wish to live through our thoughts and actions."

Comment from Minus:

Crime De Jour

Watched "Dancing with the Stars" final and was secretly happy when Emmit won, eventhough Mario kicked ass all season long. Oh, I so wish I could dance!

What would we be without it now

1:33am

Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Brazilbound

So I just purchased my ticket to go to Brazil next month. I'll be there for almost 2 weeks, and I'm coming back on Dec 25th, which is kinda of a weird date to leave but coming back anytime after that would cost me at least $400 more.

I absolutely hate the actual 'flying' home. Those almost 24 hours in between airports is totally a pain in my ass, but I can't wait to go home and see my family, my old friends, the house, the dog, and everything I miss. So I decided to make a list of random things I'm anxious to enjoy as soon as I get there:

1. Having 5 o'clock cofee breaks with my mom. Fresh coffee, french bread right out of the oven, with butter. One of my favorite things to do in the world.

2. Hot, hot, sticky weather.

3. Afternoons watching good cable TV and old soap operas.

4. Eating decent food on a regular basis. Hopefully losing a few pounds.

5. Washing my hair with non-clorine-white-stuffy-water. One of the things I absolutely cannot get used to here is the fact that the water is so heavy and gross, consequently making my hair heavy and gross as well. I have no bad-hair days in Brazil. It's like washing your hair with spring water.

6. Seeing my grandmas! and my godson, and the rest of my family.

7. Driving good cars. (I usually leave a few tickets behind for my family, but I promise I won't do it this time. I don't do it on purpose.)

8. Buying cute shoes and big earrings.

9. Not stressing, not working and not paying for anything for 2 whole weeks!

10. Getting my hair and nails done. Believe me, it's different there.

I'm counting down the days now. 27 to go.

Baby wanted 12 lemons

Hello again, people who read this blog! I apologize for my brief absence in the past few weeks. Life is busy, panic attacks are back and in between work, searching for a new car, and losing wireless signal at home, I haven't been able to be here as much as I should. Bad, bad blogger. Anyway, I'm here and all is well.

Last night I decided to stay at home with a bottle of wine and the TV, despite of a couple of phone call from friends inviting me out for a drink. I just didn't feel like doing much, so I went to Blockbuster and got me what I thought it would one of those harmless romantic comedies that if anything, would put me to sleep.

I got "The Breakup", THE movie that started it all between Jenn and Vince last year. And all I have to say is that I completely impressed and touched from beginning to end. What I really loved about it is that it's totally not one of those happily ever after stories wrapped with a bowl that makes you roll your eyes at the end of the movie. The characters are layered and imperfect, and things don't go like you wish they would, and they can't communicate to save their lives. She is always beating around the bush, while he is too straight-forward and literal. She wants him to want to work on their relationship, but he is too uncomplicated to even get what that means. They are illogical, but they love each other, have great intimacy, and rituals, habits and many happy moments together. Still, they breakup, and as much as you hope for a happy ending, it just doesn't happen. They manage to screw it up all on their own, no help needed.

Isn't that how it really goes?

The movie was filmed in Chicago, and that happens to be a place that holds so many memories to me. My ex, with whom I spend the last 2 years with, lived there, and as I was watching the movie I kept thinking of all the weekends I would drive up there to spend time with him and we would go to all those places that to this day I haven't managed to go back to because it's just too much there. The walks by the lake, the boat rides, the blues clubs, the downtown restaurants, the stores on Michigan Ave, the ball park, the summer festivals. And all those nights I spent in that city with the person I thought would be me with for as far as I could see. Those streets where I wandered for hours by myself after our crazy arguments. We were both too clumsy, too dumb and proud to apologize or talk things through.

That screen was speaking directly to me.

I have this tendency of being overtly dramatic when it comes to ex-boyfriends (specially this last one and our bitter breakup). I keep wondering what I could have done different, "why did it happened like that, what a waste of my time!". Watching that movie last night was really good for me. It's about people who come to your life for a certain period of time but they don't come to stay. And that doesn't mean you shouldn't give them your best, that you shouldn't jump in head first, that you shouldn't hold on to those memories as much as you can. You love them, you build stories together, things go wrong and you see your castles fall. Then you learn to love better, and build stronger castles that will more than likely fall again, and you keep moving on until you have a long list of places that are hard to revisit because all you can think of was how happy you once were there. How much you wish you could put that feeling in a bottle and take it with you wherever you go.

Then one day you bump into that person that at one point meant the world to you, and now he's almost a stranger, and it just so happens that the person you were back then is also long gone.

It might sound sad, but seriously, isn't that a nicer perspective?

It's easier to deal with things that way.

You love, you live it as hard as you can, and you move on.


And it's not the end.